Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, government should focus on reducing environment pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Environmental
pollution
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and housing
problems
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are
undenieably
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undeniably

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huge contributors to
the
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apply

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public
health
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issues. I wholly agree with the
ideas
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idea

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the government should focus on addressing those factors as part of their efforts to prevent illness and
disease
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.
However
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, I
also
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believe that other holistic approach, education and
healthacare
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healthcare
health care
health-care

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access, plays vital
role
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roles

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as well. On
one
Correct article usage
the one

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hand, reducing environmental
pollution
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is
neccessary
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necessary

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as air, water and soil
contimation
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contamination

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can lead to several
health
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problems
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as
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apply

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such
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,
respiratory
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as respiratory

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,
diarrhea
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diarrhoea

The spelling of diarrhea is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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, and even cancer.
For instance
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, long-term exposure to air
pollution
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can lead to respiratory
problems
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like lung cancer and asthma. By encouraging, stricter regulations,
promoting
Correct word choice
and promoting

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renewable energy, and sustainable practices, governments can significantly reduce
the
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apply

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pollution
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-related
health
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risks.
Similarly
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, reducing housing
problems
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is vital. Poor housing conditions, like overcrowding,
high-housing
Correct your spelling
high housing

The word high-housing doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs

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, substandard conditions, and lack of proper sanitation could
leads
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lead

The verb leads after the modal verb could does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

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to contagious
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Use synonyms
disease
Change the noun form
diseases

The form of the noun disease does not appear to be correct when used before the phrase such as. Consider changing the noun form.

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like tuberculosis and respiratory infections. By providing
incetives
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incentives

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or
program
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programs

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to promote affordable housing, it can improve the standard of living and reduce
health
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inequalities, especially among
the
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apply

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vulnerable populations.
While
Linking Words

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, these measures are essential, focusing solely on environmental
pollution
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and housing
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems

It seems that problem may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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may not be sufficient. Other factors like
,
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apply

It appears that the comma after like is unnecessary. Consider removing it.

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promoting
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the accesibility
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Correct article usage
the accesibility

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accesibility
Correct your spelling
accessibility
of healthcare,
raising
Correct word choice
and raising

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awareness of
the
Correct article usage
a

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healthy lifestyle play crucial
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles

It seems that role may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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in preventing
disease
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, lifestyle-related
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases

It seems that disease may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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like diabetes could be
educated
Verb problem
addressed

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through
and
Correct word choice
apply

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awareness in education rather than
in
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apply

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environmental and housing
problems
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. In
conclusions
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conclusion

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, I believe
by
Change preposition
that

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reducing environmental issues
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

improving housing conditions are essential to prevent
health
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risks,
they
Correct word choice
and they

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should be part of a broader and comprehensive strategy. Governments should be able to tackle all the
health
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

problems
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to achieve sustainable and effective
health
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

outcomes.

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grammar
Work on reducing spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'undenieably', 'neccessary', and 'contimation'.
clarity
Ensure that each point is clearly explained and expanded upon, particularly when introducing new ideas.
cohesion
Enhance the cohesion between paragraphs by using more linking words and phrases.
development
Expand on examples to provide a more robust development of your arguments.
task response
The essay effectively addresses the task prompt, identifying key issues related to environmental pollution and housing problems.
structure
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, framing the essay well.
support
Good attempt to include specific examples to support your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pollution control
  • respiratory diseases
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • overcrowding
  • renewable energy
  • waste management
  • building standards
  • affordable housing
  • emissions
  • environmental regulations
  • mental health problems
  • damp
  • ventilation
  • lifestyle factors
  • healthcare access
What to do next:
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