IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, government should focus on reducing environment pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Environmental
pollution
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 and housing
problems
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 are
undenieably
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undeniably
 huge contributors to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public
health
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 issues. I wholly agree with the
ideas
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idea
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 the government should focus on addressing those factors as part of their efforts to prevent illness and
disease
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.
However
Linking Words
, I
also
Linking Words
 believe that other holistic approach, education and
healthacare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
health care
health-care
 access, plays vital
role
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roles
show examples
 as well. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, reducing environmental
pollution
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 is
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 as air, water and soil
contimation
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contamination
 can lead to several
health
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problems
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as
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apply
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such
Linking Words
,
respiratory
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as respiratory
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,
diarrhea
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diarrhoea
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, and even cancer.
For instance
Linking Words
, long-term exposure to air
pollution
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 can lead to respiratory
problems
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 like lung cancer and asthma. By encouraging, stricter regulations,
promoting
Correct word choice
and promoting
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 renewable energy, and sustainable practices, governments can significantly reduce
the
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apply
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pollution
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-related
health
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 risks.
Similarly
Linking Words
, reducing housing
problems
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 is vital. Poor housing conditions, like overcrowding,
high-housing
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high housing
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cost
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costs
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, substandard conditions, and lack of proper sanitation could
leads
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lead
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 to contagious
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disease
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diseases
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 like tuberculosis and respiratory infections. By providing
incetives
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incentives
 or
program
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programs
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 to promote affordable housing, it can improve the standard of living and reduce
health
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 inequalities, especially among
the
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apply
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vulnerable populations.
While
Linking Words
, these measures are essential, focusing solely on environmental
pollution
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 and housing
problem
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problems
show examples
 may not be sufficient. Other factors like
,
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apply
show examples
 promoting
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the accesibility
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accesibility
Correct your spelling
accessibility
 of healthcare,
raising
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and raising
show examples
 awareness of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy lifestyle play crucial
role
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roles
show examples
 in preventing
disease
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, lifestyle-related
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disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
 like diabetes could be
educated
Verb problem
addressed
show examples
 through
and
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apply
show examples
awareness in education rather than
in
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apply
show examples
environmental and housing
problems
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. In
conclusions
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conclusion
show examples
, I believe
by
Change preposition
that
show examples
 reducing environmental issues
as well as
Linking Words
 improving housing conditions are essential to prevent
health
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 risks,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 should be part of a broader and comprehensive strategy. Governments should be able to tackle all the
health
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problems
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 to achieve sustainable and effective
health
Use synonyms
 outcomes.

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grammar
Work on reducing spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'undenieably', 'neccessary', and 'contimation'.
clarity
Ensure that each point is clearly explained and expanded upon, particularly when introducing new ideas.
cohesion
Enhance the cohesion between paragraphs by using more linking words and phrases.
development
Expand on examples to provide a more robust development of your arguments.
task response
The essay effectively addresses the task prompt, identifying key issues related to environmental pollution and housing problems.
structure
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, framing the essay well.
support
Good attempt to include specific examples to support your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pollution control
  • respiratory diseases
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • overcrowding
  • renewable energy
  • waste management
  • building standards
  • affordable housing
  • emissions
  • environmental regulations
  • mental health problems
  • damp
  • ventilation
  • lifestyle factors
  • healthcare access
What to do next:
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