IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Government should spend money to encourage the development of sports and art for school students, rather than supporting professional sports and art performance for general public. Do you agree or disagree?

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It has been argued that the ministry should invest finances to motivate the growth of play and
artistry
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 for school-aged students,
instead
Linking Words
 of patronizing skilled
Fix the agreement mistake
sportsmen
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sportsman
Fix the agreement mistake
sportsmen
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 and
artistry
Use synonyms
 programs for the common community. I agree with the statement because
children
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 are the upcoming forthcoming of the nation and if a
person
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 has been given training since childhood he will become more skilled than others. To commence with, the younger ones are the forthcoming of a nation as they will be leading the country in forthcoming,
therefore
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, the ministry should focus on their sports and art classes. If the government spend on the kids the outcome will be longer, as, from a young
age
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 they are into arts and sports and getting training .
Children
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 live more than
Add an article
a
the
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person
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 and from a very young
age
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 they will start performing
hence
Linking Words
 their productivity will be
mote
Correct your spelling
more
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for a long time.
Moreover
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,
children
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 will be leading after their adults in the upcoming time .
For example
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, developed countries like the USA and the UK spend more on
children
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 to make a bright future for that country the more skilled they are the better the future
will be
Verb problem
apply
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of a nation . Another reason is that if a
person
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 gets training from a young
age
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 he will be more skilled in that area because
he
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he has
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 been receiving classes for a very long time
also
Linking Words
children
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 grasp more than
Add an article
a
the
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person
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.
Children
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 are in the developing stage their minds and bodies are growing so they are more likely to learn faster than
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Correct article usage
a person
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person
Correct article usage
a person
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.
However
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, professional play and
artistry
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 performances already
Wrong verb form
get
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getting
Wrong verb form
get
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 enough funding from many other areas
hence
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, the government should focus on kids.
For instance
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, Sachin Tendulkar an Indian cricketer trained from childhood and became a very successful cricketer in his time-era.
To conclude
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, I agree with
this
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 statement that the administration should invest in the development of sport and
artistry
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 for school-going students not embracing professional play and craftsmanship performance because
children
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 are the forthcoming of the country and
also
Linking Words
 if they get training from a young
age
Use synonyms
 they will be more skilled.

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Task Response
Work on providing a clearer and more concise introduction. A well-defined thesis statement will strengthen the response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, perhaps by using more effective transitions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the readability and structure of your essay.
Task Response
You have presented a clear stance on the issue, agreeing with the proposition that government should prioritize spending on sports and art for school students.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which helps in outlining your argument.
Task Response
You utilized relevant examples, such as Sachin Tendulkar, to support your points effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • well-rounded development
  • creativity
  • teamwork
  • discipline
  • grooming
  • future growth
  • talented individuals
  • physical health
  • accessibility
  • inclusivity
  • socio-economic status
  • national pride
  • entertainment value
  • academic performance
  • long-term benefits
  • balanced development
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