IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

"Vaping products should be totally banned in Ireland." Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Explain your answer

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Nowadays, in a world with new
modren
Correct your spelling
modern
technologies
Add a comma
technologies,
show examples
 many products now have an alternative
for
Change preposition
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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and cigarettes are an example of
this
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 with the new attention
into
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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e-cigarettes which
called
Add a missing verb
are called
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vapes
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.
However
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, the main reason for
this
Linking Words
 new product was to encourage smokers to quit as
people
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 believe that it is less harmful
on
Change preposition
to
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 our
health
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unlike
Add the comma(s)
, unlike
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 regular cigarettes which are known to contain many different chemicals. And many individuals think vaping should be banned in Ireland. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss why vaping should be completely
ban
Wrong verb form
banned
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 in the country.
To begin
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 with, many countries tried to
banned
Change the verb
ban
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 smoking products in the
last
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 few years because of the
grate
Correct your spelling
great
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harm
Replace the word
harmful
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 effect on their citizens
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also
Correct word choice
and also
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for
Change preposition
of
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 the huge cost
on
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to
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 the
health
Use synonyms
 care system. And some of them
acheived
Correct your spelling
achieved
 that after a long discussion between the government and the manufacturers, which ended with finding a new solution or a new product that can help
people
Use synonyms
 to quit smoking and it was
vape
Wrong verb form
vaping
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.
Although
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, the
purposs
Correct your spelling
purpose
purposes
 of
vapes
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 was to reduce the
nmuber
Correct your spelling
number
 of
Add an article
the smoker
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smoker
Fix the agreement mistake
smokers
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but
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apply
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eventually it increased
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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and most of the users are teenagers.
For instance
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, teenagers believe that vaping makes them look cool
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is why they are the
bigger
Correct word choice
biggest
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 proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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vapers around the world.
Furthermore
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,
Vapes
Use synonyms
 were originally made to help adult smokers quit traditional cigarettes, vaping has
instead
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 become a common habit among teenagers. Many young
people
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 are drawn to vaping
due to
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 attractive
flavors
Change the spelling
flavours
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, and peer pressure, believing it to be less harmful.
However
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, the reality is that
Use synonyms
vapes
Change the noun form
vape
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 liquid
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 a high amount of addictive substances like nicotine, which can harm their physical and mental
health
Use synonyms
. Ireland will have a new generation with many serious
health
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 issues, including respiratory problems,
heart
Correct word choice
and heart
show examples
 disease. Addressing
this
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 issue now is critical to protect the
health
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 and future of young
people
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 in the country. In conclusion, I believe vaping should be banned not only in Ireland but worldwide. And countries must launch campaigns to raise awareness about its dangers and promote a healthier society.

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Task Response
Ensure that you clearly state your position in the introduction, although it was implied, making it explicit can provide a stronger framework for your essay.
Task Response
Introduce more detailed examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments, particularly on how vaping has increased the number of smokers among teenagers.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas to improve the flow of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Focus on precise language use to avoid minor inaccuracies or repetitions, which can sometimes make it slightly confusing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Task Achievement
The writer attempts to provide reasons and examples to support their points.
Task Achievement
There is a clear understanding of the societal issues related to vaping and its impact on teenagers' health.
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