IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

Some children spend a long time each day on their smartphones. Why is this happening, and is it positive or negative ?

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With the
technology
Use synonyms
advancement
Add a comma
advancement,
show examples
 the amount of hours that people use
technology
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased. And
that is
Linking Words
 because of some reasons like
technology
Use synonyms
 spread and being used in every field. But
this
Linking Words
 can
cause
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a negative impact on children especially. On the one hand, minors spend hours on their devices whether it
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 a smartphone, computers or tablets.
As they
Correct word choice
They
show examples
 use smartphones to contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their friends or family,
as well as
Linking Words
 they use them for entertainment. Students
also
Linking Words
 depend on
technology
Use synonyms
 in their studies of all ages. Instantly, to write homework and assignments.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can affect teenagers in many ways.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
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 they will be more
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
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 and spend time alone.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is known that spending long periods of time on smartphones can impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their physical health especially if sitting in
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
show examples
 postures
while
Linking Words
 using them.

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introduction conclusion present
Provide a clearer introduction and conclusion to better frame your argument.
relevant specific examples
Include specific examples that illustrate your points in more detail. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
logical structure
Ensure that your ideas flow logically from one to the next to help readers follow your line of reasoning.
complete response
The essay addresses the question and presents possible reasons for the phenomenon discussed, showing an understanding of the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have identified both potential uses and drawbacks of technology among children, offering a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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