IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say now there is less communication between family members than in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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Some contend that in recent years , family members are not communicating as often as they previously used to. In my opinion, as well, I strongly agree that families are not connected with each other
due to
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 hectic schedules and making a priority to their careers. The reason why families are not communicating with each other is prioritising their own career growth. In recent years, getting jobs has become challenging
due to
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 the demand for artificial intelligence , In order to grow people tend to spend long hours at their work and focus on their goals by studying constantly after their primary jobs,
As a result
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, it has become common practice not communicating with their love ones regularly.
Moreover
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, the secondary reason is the overwhelming cost of living as compared to past decades . In recent times it is commonly witnessed that people have busy schedules as they are spending most of the day at work and doing long hours shifts to earn more money or even doing dual jobs in order to pay household bills, which
results
Add the preposition
results in
results from
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 having less time to interact with their family.
Furthermore
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, thanks to the internet, the representative of the family has become addicted to computer gaming and Internet browsing forcing them to avoid family members.
In addition
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 to that, individuals are keen to spend their free time with their virtual friends on social networking platforms
such
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 as Facebook and Instagram. In conclusion, I strongly agree with
this
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 notion that people spend less time with their families as compared to earlier times and demonstrate the reasons behind
this
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such
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 as a primary focus on career growth with a lucrative lifestyle and involvement of virtual interaction.

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What works well

3
coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument and wrapping up the discussion.

coherence cohesion

Main points are well-organized and supported with explanations, maintaining a logical flow throughout the essay.

task achievement

The essay addresses the task well, with a clear stance on the topic and thoughtful exploration of relevant reasons.

Improvement Suggestions

2
coherence cohesion

To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using more transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your essay's progression. This will make your arguments more fluid and connected.

task achievement

To increase task achievement, incorporate specific examples or data to support your arguments. This would help illustrate your points more vividly and convincingly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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