IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, many governments budget money for the sports industry. Why do you think governments are funding sports so heavily? Do you think this is an appropriate investment?

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It is true that a
lot
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 of governments invest money in
sports
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 fields
such
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 as football or baseball.
While
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 there is an ongoing debate about whether the government should keep financing the
sports
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 industry
instead
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 of other benefits for the public, I firmly believe the government should fund
sports
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. The main reason for funding
sports
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 is to strengthen their country’s image by sponsoring events. Normally, the result of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international competitive
sports
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 is regarded as the level of the country. Now that
sports
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 are one of the criteria for evaluating countries, the government puts a
lot
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 of money into exciting events that local people get interested in. With a
lot
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 of support from the citizens,
sports
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 players are enthusiastic, and they will be able to get a virtuous circle.
For instance
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, the most famous game,
Olympics
Correct article usage
the Olympics
show examples
, brings massive attention and bolsters their country's image.
Overall
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, I support the idea that it is a proper investment from the view of national health and entertainment. Once the residents start to have an interest in
sports
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, it tends to encourage fitness and stimulate the economy.
In particular
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, Koreans love to go to see a baseball game, cheerleading the team. It helps people to relax and relieve work-related stress and
moreover
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, has a positive impact on the economy near the stadium.
To sum up
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,
it is clear that
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 there are a
lot
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 of advantages to boosting
sports
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 in the countries as it promotes the image of countries.
Therefore
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, I strongly agree that investment in
sports
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 is essential.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating more on alternative viewpoints or the potential drawbacks of heavily funding sports, as this can provide a more balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Adding transition words or phrases, such as "Firstly," "Moreover," or "However," could enhance the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay clearly presents arguments for why governments heavily fund sports, which closely aligns with the task response.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets up the context of the discussion effectively, and the conclusion succinctly reiterates your stance.
task achievement
You include relevant examples, such as the role of the Olympics and Korean baseball games, which substantiate your points well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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