IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, the growth of technology makes
people
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 easy to interact with other
people
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. I believe they do
this
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 because of accessibility from the growth of the internet. It should be seen as a negative development because the accessibility to interact with each other may drive some possibilities for problems later on in life.
Firstly
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,
people
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's socialisation online is that it can lead to isolation. The quality of interaction has significantly declined in several respects. If
people
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 develop relationships online can cause
people
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 to have less contact personally, and
this
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 means making
people
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 outsiders.
For instance
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, Nowadays many children focus on their phones expanding socialization face to face. In the past, we can see many of them playing outdoors and playing games.
Instead
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, now many of them stay in their bedrooms and play games alone.
As a result
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, affects to social development and physical health of children. Another problem that needs to be considered meeting
people
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 online can be risky. They can make fake accounts, and fake identities, and hide their personality.
For example
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, the app "Ometv" is a platform for meeting foreign
people
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. Many of them used
this
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 app in the wrong way
such
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 as sexual harassment.
This
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 is particularly concerning to teenagers who can easily be led to dangerous situations.
Furthermore
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, parents need to monitor and protect their children in interaction online. In conclusion, technology has some positive effects on
people
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 to socialise with each other.
Moreover
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, there are some negative effects of technology on the types of relationships
people
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 make.

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Task Achievement
While the essay covers relevant points about the effects of technology on relationships, it would benefit from expanding on how technology has specifically changed the types of relationships. Discussing different types of relationships (e.g., friendships, family, work) would enhance completeness.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure clear logical connections between sentences and paragraphs. Some points feel disconnected, and including transitional phrases can improve the flow of ideas. Consider organizing the essay into distinct sections, each discussing a particular aspect of the question.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples and elaborate on them to reinforce your arguments. This will make your essay more compelling and relevant to the topic, showing a deeper understanding.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay starts and ends with a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the argument well.
Task Achievement
Good usage of examples, such as the mention of online games and 'Ometv', to illustrate points regarding isolation and risks of online interactions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The general argument is understandable and follows a logical progression of negative impacts related to technology.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • technology
  • interact
  • relationships
  • connectivity
  • communication
  • online
  • face-to-face
  • friendships
  • romantic relationships
  • family dynamics
  • positive
  • negative
  • development
  • effects
  • formation
  • ease
  • impacts
  • communities
  • connect
  • interaction
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