IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some feel that tourism endangers culture while others feel it is benificial. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some consider that
Tourism
Use synonyms
 is a crucial role in many countries, offering economic growth and cultural exchange.
However
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, some argue that it threatens traditional customs and heritage.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives;
however
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, I strongly believe that
tourism
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial as it promotes cultural value and economic development.
Firstly
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,
tourism
Use synonyms
 can positively impact a country by improving its international reputation. If
tourism
Use synonyms
 can be developed, it would have improved the country’s international prestige because, visitors from different parts of the world could recognize the country’s unique traditions, architecture, and lifestyle, making it more respected globally.
Secondly
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,
tourism
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 increases financial opportunities for local populations. If
tourism
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develop
Wrong verb form
developed
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, it would have raised financial options for local people by creating jobs in hotels, restaurants, and transportation services.
This
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 economic growth can help improve the standard of living for many citizens.
On the other hand
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,
tourism
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 may negatively affect local culture and the environment. Increasing
tourism
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 may impact the local ecosystem because more visitors lead to pollution, deforestation, and damage to
natural
Correct article usage
the natural
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envirment
Correct your spelling
environment
.
Moreover
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, it might lead to the destruction of religious and historical buildings because tourists might want to take something from these places as souvenirs.
This
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 can cause the loss of cultural heritage, making it difficult for future generations to experience their own history.
To conclude
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, the essay discussed both
of
Change preposition
apply
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aproaches
Correct your spelling
approaches
 that
altrough
Correct your spelling
although
 negative impacts of
tourism
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 at
same
Add an article
the same
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 time it has many advantages.
However
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, I firmly believe that,
if
Correct word choice
apply
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tourism
Use synonyms
 should be managed carefully to protect cultural and natural heritage by governments.
In
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addition
Add a comma
addition,
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 they should support
tourism
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 development to improve the economy. In
this
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 way, the countries can enjoy the benefits of
tourism
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.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or statistics to support your points, particularly when discussing economic growth and cultural impacts.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next to further enhance the logical flow of your ideas.
task achievement
The essay clearly identifies both sides of the argument, providing a well-rounded view of tourism's impact on culture.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion that provides closure to the discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural erosion
  • cultural homogenization
  • cultural heritage
  • mutual understanding
  • cultural diversity
  • preservation
  • economic incentive
  • revival
  • authenticity
  • over-commercialized
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