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Band 7

Nowadays, a growing number of poeple with health problems are trying alyernative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a nagative development?

#poeple #health #alyernative #medicines #treatments #doctor #nagative #development
In
this
 era, a significant number of people with a
different
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
variety of health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments
instead
 of visiting their own doctor. In my opinion,
this
 case would help to save lots of time,
however
, it would have some drawbacks as well.
Due to
 the progress which the internet has made during these years and the innovation of AI (Artificial intelligence), people can easily search for the solution to take
care
 of their disease.
Furthermore
, nowadays doctors might not have an appointment to set for their patients, since they have lots of patients to take
care
 of them.
Hence
, for saving time it is better to surf the internet and ask for help from AI to give you some prescription and solution to take
care
 of yourself.
For instance
, two years ago, I got flu. I tried to set an appointment with my doctor but he didn’t have time for 3 weeks. So, I searched for the treatments for flu and found tons of solutions and ingredients for home remedies as well.
Hence
, I took
care
 of myself and did whatever internet advice and I got better after a couple of days.
However
, it could be dangerous and harmful not to go to a specialist. People can easily make mistakes because they are inexperienced and don’t have enough knowledge to make their own alternative medicines and home remedies.
Hence
, they must watch out during their decisions for their health.
Overall
,
although
 trying other ways to treat yourself might be easy and efficient for several reasons, it has some disadvantages too.
Submitted by amirkasrajahanmiri on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance the logical structure, ensure each paragraph clearly signals its main idea, and use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas across sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction that more explicitly presents the main argument and a conclusive summary that restates your position, reinforcing the overall response.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points further with more detailed explanations and additional examples. Make sure these examples are directly relevant to the points being made.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task more fully to provide a complete response. Expand your discussion to cover both the positives and negatives of the development comprehensively.
task achievement
Work on expressing your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that is thoroughly explained and supported.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support the arguments you're making. These examples should be clearly linked to the points for stronger support.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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