IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Other believe that we should try cooperate more, more rather than competing against each other. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is better to compete with their colleagues or friends in daily life,
while
Linking Words
others
Use synonyms
 assume that cooperation is more effective than competition. I strongly agree with the latter mindset. These days
people
Use synonyms
 argue that competing with
others
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial. They can boost their motivation
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when they see their rival.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, by following their competitor they stay focused in their ways. It is more straightforward for them to be not distracted, because they compare themselves with competitors so it works as a mutation. In my point of view,
this
Linking Words
 mindset is more harmful than beneficial. Competing can bring a sense of jealousy among
people
Use synonyms
, which causes many significant problems in their mental health. On the other side, cooperation has many advantages
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's lives. Not only they can get
benefit
Add an article
the benefit
show examples
 of that in their daily life, but
also
Linking Words
 other aspects of their lives will be developed. Cooperation is very vital for individuals' lives as they can learn to tackle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other assumptions and behave in an appropriate way. They can learn from
others
Use synonyms
' mindsets and perform in their project.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the pace of working will be increased by cooperating. Using other ideas and dividing the responsibility can make the road easier. Another advantage of
that is
Linking Words
 they can simulate
this
Linking Words
 behavior in their relations and their connection will be stronger.
To conclude
Linking Words
, cooperating with
others
Use synonyms
 will bring negative features in
people
Use synonyms
's personalities rather than it should be practical. On the other side, I believe that cooperating can help you reach your goals faster and give you many positive traits in your way.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will enhance the richness of your response and make your arguments more vivid.
language accuracy
Pay attention to certain grammatical errors like 'mutation' instead of 'motivation', and unnecessary repetition like "more, more". While minor, correcting these will improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a well-organized discussion of both competition and cooperation with relevant supporting arguments.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes the arguments and provides a strong final stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
Look at other essays: