IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Why is marine life important and how can it be protected?

#marine #life
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Marine
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life
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's majority is so much more than the lands and the differences in
species
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 are very much more. There are many aspects of
marine
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life
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 that scientists still trying to discover and are yet in ambition.
Marine
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life
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 plays an important role in the food chain and ecosystem. It helps the oceans and seas to be clear and balanced. So, it leads all the animals and plants on the earth to grow. If the plants are in good condition because of the clean and suitable
water
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, all other
species
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 on the earth would be in good shape, too.
Otherwise
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, if the
species
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 in the
water
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 are not in good condition, the
water
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 would be useless.
Therefore
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, plants and animals on the land would be in danger.
For example
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, if the population of fish reduces, the food for seagulls reduces and they become in danger,
therefore
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 like a domino, the
species
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 that eats seagulls are in danger, too. We can protect the
marine
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life
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 by keeping the
water
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 clean. We should not throw garbage in the seas and oceans. There are many death cases of sea animals reported because plastic is stuck inside their mouth or wrapped around their body. More importantly, factories should be careful not to let chemical pollution be pure into the
water
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. Fish and other animal hunters should not hunt them in the seasons in which they lay eggs so that the population of those
species
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 does not reduce. There are many things that we still do not know about
marine
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life
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 and there are surely many other effects and benefits that it brings to the world which is undercover.
Submitted by mohamad.sanaye462 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay has an improper structure with no clear introduction and conclusion. Consider starting with a background statement and thesis, and ending with a summary of main points and opinion or recommendation.
coherence cohesion
Main points are mentioned but they lack depth and explanation. Aim to develop each point with specific details, explanations, and a clear progression of ideas.
task achievement
The response addresses the task but it needs to be more comprehensive in exploring both the importance of marine life and the methods of protection. Try to cover all parts of the question evenly, providing detailed reasons, results, and examples.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points rather than hypothetical ones. Research factual instances where marine life has been impacted and how measures have been taken to protect it.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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