IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people believe that the use of social media negatively affects mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?”

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A
a
Correct article usage
apply
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lot of
people
Use synonyms
 think
about
Change preposition
that
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 the use of social
media
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
has
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 harmful effects on mental health.
I’m strongly agree
Change the verb form
I strongly agree
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 with that because most youngsters are addicted
from
Change preposition
to
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 social platforms and most
people
Use synonyms
 lose feelings from their real
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Most
children
Use synonyms
 are addicted
from
Change preposition
to
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 social
media
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and as
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 a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
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 they lose concentration
of
Change preposition
in
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 any situation. Even though they can learn new languages and become more skillful
on
Change preposition
with
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 new technology
such
Linking Words
 as making content and watching foreign videos without subtitles, but use of
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
show examples
 has
a
Correct article usage
apply
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various poison on
brain
Correct article usage
the brain
show examples
 and mindset.
Moreover
Linking Words
, kids who use a smartphone
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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possibility
Add an article
the possibility
a possibility
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 of getting
an
Remove the article
apply
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anxiety and depression even insomnia is one of
a
Correct article usage
the
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 basic
symptom
Fix the agreement mistake
symptoms
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
International
Correct article usage
the International
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 Health
service
Capitalize word
Service
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proven
Add a missing verb
has proven
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 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
addiction
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 social
media
Use synonyms
 makes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 difficult to study
due to
Linking Words
 loss of concentration and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
independent
Replace the word
independence
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children
Use synonyms
 become
more
Change the word
apply
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less in the future
People
Use synonyms
 don’t understand that social
media
Use synonyms
 is an artificial world,
although
Linking Words
 most
people
Use synonyms
creating
Wrong verb form
create
show examples
 their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 on Social apps
such
Linking Words
 as Instagram and Facebook, which
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 the biggest impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
Correct article usage
the mental
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mental
Change the adjective
mentally
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 ill. In spite of
this
Linking Words
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
stressful
Replace the word
stressed
show examples
 and hard to contact relatives in real
life
Use synonyms
, even the
people
Use synonyms
 don’t realize
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
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 truth of real circumstances.
For example
Linking Words
, in Japan, twice in five
people
Use synonyms
 live in
VR
Correct article usage
a VR
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 world, with 45%
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 married with an object. In conclusion, many
children
Use synonyms
 become worse
due to
Linking Words
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 development of technology and
people
Use synonyms
 are
loosing
Correct your spelling
losing
show examples
 their real sense of
life
Use synonyms
. In my view, adults should
make
Verb problem
keep
show examples
 kids
restricted
Verb problem
apply
show examples
from
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
show examples
 and balance their own
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position. Here, your introduction does hint at an agreement with the statement, but clarity can be improved.
task achievement
Try to develop each argument with more depth and provide more supporting information.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar, as small errors can hinder comprehension.
task achievement
You have a strong thesis statement expressing your agreement.
task achievement
Relevant examples, like those related to Japan and children's mental health in general, enrich your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
What to do next:
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