IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people say that there is too much harmful content on the internet. They say the only way to make the internet safe is for the government to censor the content of websites. To what extent do you think the government should control what information is available on the internet?

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Some
people
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 think that there is too much content on the
internet
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 which is hazardous. And, they believe only
government
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 can solve
this
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 by censoring the websites which include those harmful data to keep
safe
Correct article usage
the safe
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internet
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 era. I believe it is a true aspect of
this
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 problem to some point. The
harmness
Correct your spelling
harm
 of some
informations
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information
pieces of information
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 on the
internet
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 can cause a chain of complex problems,
such
Linking Words
 as child abuse,
self harm
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self-harm
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or
Correct word choice
apply
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hate crimes et cetera.
This
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 problem needs a solid remedy and
this
Linking Words
 can be provided by
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government
Add an article
the government
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. Because of
government
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 can access
to
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apply
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devices or programs to monitor and restrict the posts and
people
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 on the
internet
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.
On the other
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hand
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hand,
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government
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 should scrutinize to decide what is detrimental or not.
Therefore
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,
while
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 one believes the data is dangerous, other
people
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 might think it is not. To be objective,
government
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 has to work with
people
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 who are professional.
For example
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, a ministry could be established just for
this
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 purpose.
Also
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,
Administration
Correct article usage
the Administration
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 can educate
people
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 who will work for
this
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 operation. But,
government
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 can use
this
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 power not only for social sake
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 for its own benefit. That's why,
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government's
Correct article usage
the government's
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 decisions should be controlled by some higher authorities.
This
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 way, judgments given can be non-biased.
To sum up
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, I believe
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should inspect the
internet
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 websites to
safeguard
Correct pronoun usage
safeguard them
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, it has to be controlled to be reliable.

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task achievement
Make sure to introduce more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, mention specific incidents where government censorship effectively minimized harm or instances where it failed.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to using cohesive devices more effectively to connect ideas smoothly. For example, phrases like "Moreover," "In contrast," and "Additionally" can improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all your main ideas are clearly outlined in the introduction and revisited in the conclusion. This helps maintain clarity and focus throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the important issue of harmful content on the internet and provides a balanced view of government censorship as a possible solution.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument well.
task achievement
You've acknowledged an important counterargument, discussing the potential misuse of power by governments, which adds depth to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Censorship
  • Freedom of expression
  • Hate speech
  • Misinformation
  • Extremism
  • Regulations
  • Cyberbullying
  • Self-regulation
  • Transparency
  • Vulnerable groups
  • Algorithms
  • Digital culture
  • Personal freedoms
  • Illegal content
  • Internet safety
What to do next:
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