IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that in the modern society, individuals are becoming more dependent on each other, while others say that individuals are becoming more independent of each other. Discuss both views and give your own opinion do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, there have been noticeable changes in the rate at which humans rely on each other. There are individuals who think there is an increase in
this
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 rate;
however
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, critics feel that
people
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 are becoming less dependent on others.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides of the argument and why I feel an increase in dependency is
advantageuous
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advantageous
 to society. The evolution of technology has made communication easier. Digital communication helps in building strong relationships by allowing
people
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 to constantly be in touch without sharing the same location.
Nevertheless
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, others believe that it has led to superficial relationships, as many
people
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 will not see the need
of being
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to be
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 physically present
to
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on
show examples
 certain
occations
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occasions
 that matter to their friends.
For example
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, Zoom has served as
meeting
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a meeting
show examples
points
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point
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 where church members living in different areas
in
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of
show examples
a nations
Correct the article-noun agreement
a nation
nations
show examples
 can encourage each other. Notwithstanding, it is
also
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 a great excuse to miss important annual events since they can join online. The evolution in these contemporary times has allowed
people
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 to be more dependent on
eachother
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each other
 and I feel it has a lot of positive outcomes.
First,
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it can help reduce depression, as there are more means by which
people
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 can get in touch with their loved ones.
As a result
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, they are able to share their pain and receive encouragement from family members.
Second,
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it can help
develope
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develop
 new ideas. The removal of geographical barriers has allowed bright minds around the world to put their knowledge together to solve various problems affecting the world.
For instance
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, there are many
medical
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of medical
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 research done by scientists who are situated
at
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in
show examples
 different places in the world.
These
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This
show examples
resarches
Correct your spelling
research
 would not have been possible if they had worked independently. In conclusion, both schools of thought have reasonable points. On balance, I think that in these modern times,
people
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 depend more on others as there are better means of communication.
In addition
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, it has brought about positive developments
such
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 as tackling depression and idea generation.

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task achievement
Ensure that each argument is supported by evidence or examples to strengthen the task achievement.
task achievement
Consider expanding on how dependency can specifically counteract superficiality in relationships for a more balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Work on smoother transitions between contrasting viewpoints for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, helping in the logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, such as the use of Zoom for meetings and medical research collaboration, enhancing the task achievement.
task achievement
You offer a balanced discussion of both views before presenting your opinion, which is well integrated into the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancements
  • Social media
  • Remote work
  • Online collaboration tools
  • Modern urban living
  • Gig economy
  • Freelance work
  • Self-reliance
  • Personal achievement
  • Individualism
  • Self-care culture
  • Communal living
  • Public services
  • Infrastructure
  • Personal well-being
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