IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many working people get little or no exercise during the work day, and have health problems as a result. -Why do so many people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? -Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In
this
Linking Words
 fast-paced life, a considerable proportion of people are not getting enough
time
Use synonyms
 for doing physical activity or some of them are able to do it little. There are ample consequences for
this
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 situation;
however
Linking Words
, there are few measures to mitigate
this
Linking Words
 issue. Both
problem
Correct article usage
the problem
show examples
 and solution will be justified
further
Linking Words
. There are a plethora of compelling reasons. The most predominant one is working full
time
Use synonyms
. To elaborate
further
Linking Words
, the competitive work culture of
21st
Correct article usage
the 21st
show examples
 century has rendered a
fast paced
Add a hyphen
fast-paced
show examples
urben
Correct your spelling
urban
 lifestyle, where students and working people are in
morning
Add an article
the morning
show examples
 rush to reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their workplace. One good illustration is that, in terms of working hard, they will get tired easily
as well as
Linking Words
 it make them mentally fragile.
Hence
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, they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
refuse to do exercises. Another striking reason is
habitual
Correct article usage
a habitual
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sedentary lifestyle. Because of the advancement of technology, whenever folks get
time
Use synonyms
, they
used to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
spend it on social media or playing games, which can make them lazy. There are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 measures to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the government can play a paramount role
to promote
Change preposition
in promoting
show examples
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle. As they can spread awareness through campaigns, which can not only
be ameliorate
Change the verb form
ameliorate
show examples
 the knowledge about
importance
Add an article
the importance
show examples
 of physical
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 proponents will come to know that exercise can be beneficial for mental health.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the authorities should have to arrange a free exercise camp with
trained
Correct article usage
a trained
show examples
 fitness instructor. To specify
further
Linking Words
, in order to get free
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
, an immense amount of individuals will start
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 as they find it expensive to pay for the gym.
To conclude
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, indeed, it can be
finally
Linking Words
 commented that there are myriad causes
such
Linking Words
 as working full
time
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 sedentary livelihood;
whereas
Linking Words
 there are numerous solutions too.
Such
Linking Words
 as awareness campaigns and free exercise
camp
Fix the agreement mistake
camps
show examples
 will alleviate the problem.

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supported main points
Ensure your main points are directly supported and elaborated with more specific examples and clear links to your thesis.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and develop your ideas more fully. The discussion can benefit from more depth in exploring the causes and solutions related to exercise habits.
relevant specific examples
Provide more specific examples to strongly back up your points.
introduction conclusion present
The essay begins with a clear introduction that outlines both the problem and proposed solutions.
complete response
Clear acknowledgement of the reasons why people do not exercise and the measures that can be taken to improve this issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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