IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Modern societies need specialists in certain fields, but not in others. Some people therefore think that governments should pay university fees for students who study subjects that are needed by society. Those who choose to study less relevant subjects should not receive government funding. Would the advantages of such an educational policy outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#societies #specialists #fields #people #governments #university #fees #students #study #subjects #society #government #policy
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Societies
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 of all ages always have a demand for experts in certain
fields
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 but not for some other
fields
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, there is no exception with modern
societies
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. With that demand, some people believe that only
students
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 who choose useful
subjects
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 for communities should be funded by the states, not the
students
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 studying in less relevant majors. I believe that
this
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 trend gives human society more benefits than drawbacks. On the one hand,
this
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 policy may cause an imbalance in education
as well as
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 a financial burden on national budgets. With the effects of
this
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, more young people will try to apply to study
subjects
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 that are sponsored by the states and there might be more specialists in those
fields
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 than demands.
For instance
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, about 2 decades ago,
students
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 who chose education as their major in some national universities in Vietnam did not have to pay school fees, and
this
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 led to an issue that there were so many teachers that some even could not find a job at school. 
Moreover
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, the fact that there are so many
students
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 attending
subjects
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 that are funded by the government will probably create a huge pressure on the budget of the state and there will be no money for other essential
fields
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.  
On the other hand
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, government funding for
subjects
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 that are crucial for
societies
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 will help to educate enough experts to meet the demand, especially in
fields
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 with a low income. Nowadays, most
students
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 choose hot majors
such
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 as finance, AI, Marketing, and information technology because they can find a good job with a high salary after graduating from university. Fewer and fewer people choose history or geography since there are very few good employment prospects in the future.
This
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 might lead to a lack of experts in those
fields
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 in the future and that may make an unstable social development in nations. So, scholarships from governments may encourage
students
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 who are poor but with good studying abilities to choose these
subjects
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. It is evident that a lot of countries are willing to give full-time scholarships to thousands of
students
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 in certain
fields
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 every year all over the world and
as a result
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, there is a stable human resource for specialists in nationally important
fields
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. In conclusion,
although
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 there are some negative impacts, states funding bring more positive effects to human
societies
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.
Submitted by hoangdaosales on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph connects clearly to the thesis and topic sentences are precise.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments and detail them further.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both well-structured and clearly present your overall argument.
Task Achievement
Each paragraph addresses a specific point that supports your argument, demonstrating a strong understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic efficiency
  • allocate resources
  • job market
  • unemployment
  • underemployment
  • skill gap
  • critical sectors
  • financial incentives
  • societal needs
  • potential for resentment
  • undervalued
  • academic performance
  • overspecialization
  • diversity in skills
  • cultural development
  • holistic societal growth
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