IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some part of the world, women are not allowed to vote. What is your opinion about this ?

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Today, there are still some nations where female suffrage is prohibited. As a woman, I just can say that I am totally against
this
Linking Words
 kind of discrimination because
females
Use synonyms
 deserve the same civil rights as males.
To begin
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 with, it is well known that throughout history
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 have been
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fighting to get a voice in society, in order to get some privileges and rights. Especially, in Oriental regions of the world. where is easy to find many countries in which women are not able to share their opinions or even show their faces.
Therefore
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, is even more difficult to imagine that they will be able to vote during the elections.
For instance
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, Irek is a region where the female population can not make an election because just
men
Use synonyms
 are considered eligible to do
this
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. Even when
this
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 sounds very unfair is what their constitution says.
This
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 is a controversial topic, and in my opinion, women deserve
this
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 right, because
females
Use synonyms
as well as
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men
Use synonyms
 have worked hard throughout history in order to develop a better world.
For example
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, we have to work hard
as well as
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
 do. We have to pay taxes
as well as
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men
Use synonyms
 do.
Thus
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, why
females
Use synonyms
 should not receive the same treatment or respect. Actually, recent research has shown
than
Correct word choice
that
show examples
female
Correct article usage
the female
show examples
 population tends to work much more than
men
Use synonyms
due to
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 we are in charge of household duties. In conclusion, I hardly believe that women of all nations should be allowed to vote. It does not matter her religion, colour beliefs. We are currently living in a modern world where
females
Use synonyms
 need all the respect as same as
men
Use synonyms
.

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Tone & Style
Ensure that your essay maintains a consistent tone and style throughout. Some sentences may benefit from a more formal tone to align with the academic nature of the task.
Detail & Examples
While your essay introduces relevant examples, further diversification and detail in your examples could strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
Grammar & Accuracy
Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and the correct use of articles. These small grammatical corrections can significantly improve the clarity and professionalism of your writing.
Paragraph Structure
Consider developing your paragraphs with more structured arguments, clearly defining each point you're making before moving on to the next. This will enhance the logical flow and make your essay more compelling.
Introduction & Conclusion
Successfully introduced and concluded the essay, providing a clear overview and a strong, cohesive argument.
Task Response
Effectively addressed the topic with a clear stance and rationale, demonstrating an understanding of the task requirements.
Example Usage
Used examples to support arguments, although more specificity could further enhance the essay's persuasiveness.
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