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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

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Some people argue that
houses
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 are better for living, others suggest that
apartments
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 have more advantages.
Although
Linking Words
 living in a
house
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 gives freedom, I believe that residing in a flat has more benefits because of the
security
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 it provides. Residing in a
house
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 ensures an individual can do whatever he or she wants inside it. Neighbours do not invade the personal lives of people living there because the walls of these
houses
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 are, normally, not adjacent to any other
houses
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. The family members can have private conversations, without having to worry about eavesdropping by neighbours.
For example
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, couples quarrelling inside their
house
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, often, become a topic of discussion between adjacent neighbours in an apartment. But,
this
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 is not the case
while
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 residing in a
house
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.
However
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, I am of the opinion that privacy concerns are secondary when choosing between a
house
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 and a flat.
Apartments
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 offer greater
security
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 to their residents. More often than not, they fall under societal regulations that ensure proper
security
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 standards for their residents.
Security
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 personnel are appointed by the apartment associations, gated entries are generally present, and more importantly, surveillance systems are always installed, resulting in the residents feeling safe.
For instance
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, the My Gate application used by big societies in India authenticates everyone who visits the place, and only after the approval of the flat owner, the guests are allowed to enter.
Therefore
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, I believe that
apartments
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 provide better
security
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 compared to
houses
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. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 living in a
house
Use synonyms
 provides a lot of freedom, people living in
apartments
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 are more secure because of certain features that come with it, and for these reasons living in a flat has more benefits than living in a
house
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Your essay is well-structured and addresses both sides of the argument clearly. However, consider enriching your introduction with a bit more detail to set the context better.
coherence cohesion
Linking words and phrases could be used more effectively to ensure the essay flows even more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples to support your main points, which strengthens your argument.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • fostering
  • emotional intelligence
  • problem-solving skills
  • cultural awareness
  • curriculum
  • engaging
  • memorable
  • nurture
  • talents
  • core subjects
  • academic
  • professional success
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