IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some feel that tourism endangers culture while others feel it is beneficial. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

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There is a debate about tourism
affects
Replace the word
effects
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 think
state
Add an article
the state
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 can benefit from the flow of
tourists
Use synonyms
, others argue that national habits can be harmed
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
this
Linking Words
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views in detail and
explained
Wrong verb form
explain
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 why
countries
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 that open their doors to
tourists
Use synonyms
 are getting
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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huge financial benefits. In developed
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countries
Add a comma
countries,
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 there can be seen a huge
fow
Correct your spelling
flow
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourists
Use synonyms
. Most
people
Use synonyms
 travel for some historical objects or recreational activities on the beach.
Countries
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 which have a good infrastructure condition can
resieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 millions of foreign
countries
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people
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 which
meaning
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means
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 of huge amount of money
by
Change preposition
for
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tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
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 business. There will be new job opportunities and seats
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 business ensuring many individuals with work.
This
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 trend can reduce
unemployment
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the unemployment
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 rate and maintain society's
well being
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well-being
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. On top of
this
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, nations start focusing on
reconstruction
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the reconstruction
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 of ancient places, where
people
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 can be informed about
deep
Correct article usage
the deep
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 roots of
past
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the past
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period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
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, making
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 places become protected and
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
 worldwide. As
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 is the
primarily
Change the adverb
primary
show examples
 source that can reflect the
tourists
Use synonyms
' real personality. In
high income
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high-income
show examples
 states
such
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 as India, native
people
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 commonly do not love other
countries
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'
people
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 especially when
tourists
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are
Verb problem
do
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 not
behaved
Wrong verb form
behave
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 well. Most
people
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 do not follow the law and make uneducated mistakes
such
Linking Words
 as throwing the garbage down on the road and disrespecting local
culture
Replace the word
cultural
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 values.
This
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 situation angers indigenous Indians and arouses hostility towards
tourists
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. The flow of
tourists
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 can bring
brends
Correct your spelling
brands
 which are originally related to another culture. In conclusion, in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I explore two arguments and
while
Linking Words
 states can benefit from
tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
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 industry ensuring new
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
 and opportunities, it's not a big problem to compensate for the losses of some
tourists
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the question, covering both positive and negative sides of tourism and ending with your opinion.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to better illustrate your points, particularly how infrastructure benefits local communities or how culture preservation is affected.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and logical flow, using linking words more effectively to show relationships between ideas.
coherence cohesion
While you have an introduction and conclusion, try to make your main points more clearly distinguished and supported in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
You have clearly addressed both sides of the argument and concluded with your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which help organize your thoughts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural erosion
  • cultural homogenization
  • cultural heritage
  • mutual understanding
  • cultural diversity
  • preservation
  • economic incentive
  • revival
  • authenticity
  • over-commercialized
What to do next:
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