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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for qualication. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some
collage
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college
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 students are willing to get more knowledge about topics
besides
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from
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apply
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their major.
According to
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 some, it is essential to focus only
to
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on
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 their own studies. I believe that
,
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apply
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 concentrating on other classes may
enchance
Correct your spelling
enhance
 the knowledge of students and make them more qualified.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore both notions and give my perspective. On the one hand, college is a once in a
life time
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lifetime
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 experience and it is a place where one can broaden their vision
as well as
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 their
self development
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self-development
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.
Thus
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, it is fundamental to get the most out of it. There are wide range of advantages that
comes
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come
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 with
studing
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studying
 multiple disciplines.
For instance
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, a psychology student can double major
with
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in
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 sociology.
This
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 way, the student will not be only knowledgeable about topics related
with
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to
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 human behaviours and
human
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the human
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 mind, but will
also
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 learn to make
connection
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connections
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 related
with
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to
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human kind
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humankind
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.
On the other hand
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, specializing in a class or a topic is already hard
own
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on
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its
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it's
it is
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on
Correct your spelling
own
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. Double majoring or additional classes will only make it harder.
In other words
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, if a student
focus
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focuses
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 excessively on both subjects, she or he may not learn it efficiently.
For example
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, numerous numbers of
engineer
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engineering
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 students pay all of their attention to their projects. Having the responsibility of other classes will result in demotivation rather
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then
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than
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 encouraging them
,
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apply
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 since it is
imposibble
Correct your spelling
impossible
 for them to be excellent in all topics. In conclusion, even though it may come with drawbacks
such
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 as hard times in time management, I believe that it is crucial to not devote oneself to only one major.

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task achievement
Your essay successfully discusses both sides of the argument. However, providing more specific examples or evidence for each point would enhance the completeness and persuasiveness of your response.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are clearly stated and easy to follow. You effectively presented different viewpoints, but further clarity and precision could improve overall comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph logically flows into the next and that your points are consistently developed throughout the essay to reinforce cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Consider adding more transitions between ideas to make the logical flow even more apparent.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the discussion and clearly states the thesis.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay well.
task achievement
Your essay covers both perspectives on the topic, showing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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