IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Most societies are based on rules and laws. If individuals were free to do whatever they wanted, society could not function. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Most of the
people
Use synonyms
 think that the societies are embedded with
rules
Use synonyms
 and regulations.The
place
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 where no restrictions there the
place
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 could not function.The gated communities are more
preferrable
Correct your spelling
preferable
show examples
 than the societies which are free of
rules
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. From my first point
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 view, the households who are living in a
well developed
Add a hyphen
well-developed
show examples
 area are disciplined and well organized with the things.
For example
Linking Words
, If we take the Gated communities the
people
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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with high security and
clean
Correct article usage
a clean
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 environment.The
people
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 have a fear that keeping
society
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 dirty leads to
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 risk of complaints they have to answer.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the name
society
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 itself says that a
place
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 where no disturbances to family living there. I agree with the point ,
the
Correct your spelling
that
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 individuals cannot make a
place
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 like
society
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.The
non
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non-society
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society
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 families make places
unhygenic
Correct your spelling
unhygienic
 with garbage.
However
Linking Words
,there is no guarantee that only known
people
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 can enter the houses.There is no security as compared to
well developed
Add a hyphen
well-developed
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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.If we imagine
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
place
Use synonyms
 where there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 no
rules
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 and regulations,we cannot control the behaviour of
teenegers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
 and
nonresponsible
Correct your spelling
irresponsible
show examples
people
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.
This
Linking Words
 results
uncomfortable
Change preposition
in uncomfortable
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to
Change preposition
for
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 others. I conclude that.The
most
Change the adjective
apply
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safest
place
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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to live is inside
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
society
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 where it is with particular
rules
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 and laws
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
that
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makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
people
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 responsible
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 what they are doing.The different
people
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 have various opinions on the
place
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 where they are living.whatever the problem
raises
Correct your spelling
arises
show examples
 the
society
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 head has
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
total
reponsible
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 to take over
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is an advantage for all the families who
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
from all
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 of view.

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task achievement
To enhance task response, consider providing more detailed examples that support your main argument. This will help to illustrate your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
In your essay, maintaining a consistent use of cohesive devices (like conjunctions and transitional phrases) will enhance the flow of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion could be more impactful by summarizing the main points discussed throughout the essay clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets the stage for your discussion in the essay and provides a clear statement of your position.
task achievement
The inclusion of specific examples, like gated communities, helps to contextualize your argument, even though these could be more detailed to strengthen your case.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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