IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health. Others believe that the Government should make sure that their citizens are healthy. Discuss both views.

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Different
people
Use synonyms
 in the world think it might be the
Use synonyms
Government
Change noun form
Government's
show examples
 problem to take care of
humans
Change the noun form
human
show examples
health
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,it could be difficult to not refer
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
to this
show examples
consept
Correct your spelling
concept
 to them but
also
Linking Words
 is not all about the
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
 programme which the
Government
Use synonyms
 provided.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand,
people
Use synonyms
 need to keep themselves
healh
Correct your spelling
healthy
health
 before they require
health
Use synonyms
 treatment.
people
Use synonyms
 could be convinced if they
understant
Correct your spelling
understand
 how much preservation is more important than cure.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first sight taking some medicine against issues is more
reliabe
Correct your spelling
reliable
.
For example
Linking Words
,
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 eating nutrients and healthy recipes we would
avoide
Correct your spelling
avoid
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
illness and so on .
certainly
Add a comma
certainly,
show examples
 scientists said we can have long-life
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 walking
30
Change preposition
for 30
show examples
minute
Fix the agreement mistake
minutes
show examples
 daily which is better than most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports.
In addition
Linking Words
 to my stream reasons
this
Linking Words
 is acceptable that hard sickness like cancer
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 on top of hospitality cure
whereas
Linking Words
 it
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 medicine . In
this
Linking Words
 way
Add a comma
,
show examples
Governmrent
Correct your spelling
government
forced
Add a missing verb
is forced
show examples
to
Correct pronoun usage
us to
show examples
 bring his material and if we
thought
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
 about it ,we will need them more in future because of
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
 life
routine
Fix the agreement mistake
routines
show examples
 that
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 lots of bad
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 on our life.
I
Correct your spelling
In
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
my opinon
show examples
opinon
Correct your spelling
opinion
,
health
Use synonyms
 is both side problem and not just
individual
Correct article usage
an individual
show examples
 and it is
combination
Correct article usage
a combination
show examples
 because no one can make medicine
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own ,
therefore
Linking Words
 ,
people
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
togather
Correct your spelling
together
 can improve social
health
Use synonyms
 which
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 high modifaition in
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 world . Like finding
vaccine
Add an article
a vaccine
show examples
 for
covid
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
taht
Correct your spelling
that
 is
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 example
f
Change preposition
of
show examples
 co-working between
people
Use synonyms
 and
caucus
Correct article usage
the caucus
show examples
. In conclusion,
health
Use synonyms
 care management which
covered
Add a missing verb
is covered
show examples
 by the
government
Use synonyms
 could have
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
 on ways to control disease and
this
Linking Words
 is
perosnal
Correct your spelling
personal
. But those
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
 which are
nesseccary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to take them on hospitality cure they are not individual any more and some other field must
be appeared
Change to the active voice
appear
have appeared
show examples
.

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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt clearly and present a balanced view of both perspectives, with a stronger connection between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, use clearer linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
introduction and conclusion
Your introduction clearly sets out the two views under discussion, and your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, such as lifestyle habits and government intervention in healthcare, to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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