IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

most of humans believe the government should need take care of human health but the other believe it is individual . discuse about both view

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Different
people
Use synonyms
 in the world think it might be the
Government
Use synonyms
's problem to take care of human
health
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,it could be difficult to not refer to
this
Linking Words
 concept to them but
also
Linking Words
 is not all about the
health
Use synonyms
 programme
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 the
Government
Use synonyms
 provided.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 need to keep themselves healthy before they require
health
Use synonyms
 treatment.
people
Use synonyms
 could be convinced if they understand how much preservation is more important than cure. At first
sight
Add a comma
sight,
show examples
 taking some medicine against issues is more reliable.
For example
Linking Words
, by eating nutrients and healthy recipes we would avoid illness and so on . certainly, scientists said we can have
Correct article usage
a long-life
show examples
long-life
Correct your spelling
long life
show examples
 by walking for 30 minutes daily which is better than most sports.
In addition
Linking Words
 to my stream reasons
this
Linking Words
 is acceptable that hard sickness like cancer is on top of hospitality cure
whereas
Linking Words
 it needs high-quality medicine . In
this
Linking Words
 way
government
Use synonyms
 is forced to bring
his
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
material
Fix the agreement mistake
materials
show examples
 and if we think about it ,we will need them more in future because of the modern life routines that
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 lots of bad effects on our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Linking Words
Usa
Correct your spelling
USA
 In
opinion
Correct pronoun usage
my opinion
show examples
,
health
Use synonyms
 is both
side
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 problem and not just an individual and it is a combination because no one can make medicine on their own ,
therefore
Linking Words
 ,
people
Use synonyms
 and the
government
Use synonyms
 together can improve social
health
Use synonyms
 which causes high
modifaition
Correct your spelling
motivation
 in a healthy world . Like finding a vaccine for COVID-19
that is
Linking Words
 a great example of co-working between
people
Use synonyms
 and the caucus. In conclusion,
health
Use synonyms
 care management which is covered by the
government
Use synonyms
 could have the best effect on ways to control disease and
this
Linking Words
 is personal. But those illnesses which are necessary to take them on hospitality cure they are not individual any more and some other field must have appeared

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task achievement
The essay addresses the task, discussing both views on whether the government or individuals should be responsible for healthcare. However, more depth and clarity in presenting these views would enhance the response.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas with more detailed explanations and examples. This will improve the completeness of your response.
coherence cohesion
There is a basic logical structure present, but it could be enhanced by stronger transitions between points and clearer organization within paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph is focused on a single idea, and use more linking words to enhance the flow.
task achievement
Provide more relevant specific examples to support your main arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and rich in detail.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which provide a solid framework for the discussion.
task achievement
You've made an effort to discuss both sides of the issue, which is important for a balanced response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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