IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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The cost of living differs
according to
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 which
country
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 you are in. The expenses of staying in a
country
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 like the Philippines vary greatly compared to the United States. I believe it is only beneficial to live away from your family if it is the norm or you are financially capable of sustaining a life in your chosen area for university. In countries like the Philippines, university students often live with their
parents
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due to
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 financial constraints and culture. It is the norm for the
parents
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 there to
support
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 their
children
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 all throughout their education and students often don't have jobs. Which implies that they won't have the funds to move away.
Additionally
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, Filipino
parents
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 often provide transportation and allowances to allow their
children
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 to focus more on their education.
However
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,
this
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 hinders the independence and freedom of students as they are still under the supervision of their
parents
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. But with no means to
support
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 themselves, in
this
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 instance, the disadvantages of moving out would outweigh the advantages. In the United States, it is the norm for
children
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 over 18 to move out and
support
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 themselves. They are able to do that because people under the age of 18 are allowed to have jobs and
parents
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 are more open for their
children
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 to work. They would have the financial means to
support
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 themselves and provide basic needs
such
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 as housing and food.
Furthermore
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, the experience of being away would help them grow to be more independent and have more control over their life. So, if they are financially capable,
then
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 moving out would be beneficial as
this
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 would allow new experiences to improve as a person and discover themselves in a new light.
To conclude
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, the variables to consider in living away from home vary from
country
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 to
country
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due to
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 variables
such
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 as finances and culture. You have to look at your present situation and how it reflects your future and decide whether or not it is in your best interest to move away.

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task achievement
You provide a solid response to the task by discussing both sides of the argument. However, ensure your position on whether the benefits of living away outweigh the disadvantages is a bit more explicit throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly link your ideas between paragraphs to maintain coherence, perhaps by using linking words or phrases.
task achievement
You effectively discuss and contrast the situations in two different countries, which enhances the task response by providing relevant and specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-articulated, summarizing the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with distinct paragraphs focusing on specific aspects of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
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