IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

There is an ongoing debate about whether the art and music classes should be taken as mandatory classes or not. I firmly disagree with the idea that art and music classes should not be compulsory.

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Firstly
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,
art
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 and
music
Use synonyms
classes
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 can foster
creativity
Add an article
the creativity
show examples
 of
students
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. Test-oriented subjects
such
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 as science and mathematics tend to stop young
students
Use synonyms
 thinking in an active way and they just get used to memorizing everything.
In contrast
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, when there are
art
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classes
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 at school, young
children
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 can build creativity skills by doing handcraft work.
For instance
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, I have a memory that I had made an
imaginal
Replace the word
imaginary
show examples
neighbor
Change the spelling
neighbour
show examples
 with my friends as a group assignment. It is interesting that now we are living in the world of autonomous driving, which we used to make in that class.
Second,
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allowing
art
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 and
music
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classes
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 create opportunities for
students
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 to relieve stress.
Moreover
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, listening to
music
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such
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 as classics and jazz alleviates the pressures they get from school. Focusing only on complicated subjects can cause hard tense for
children
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.
For example
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, if
children
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 take
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 class of
music
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,
students
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 have a chance to prepare a chorus with a whole
classmate
Fix the agreement mistake
classmates
show examples
.
In addition
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, it might be not only a long-lasting memory but
also
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good
Correct article usage
a good
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 experience
of
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for
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 building teamwork and feeling
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sense of belonging.
To sum up
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, it is true that there are supporters who believe
children
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 should concentrate on the subjects needed to pass the exam.
Nevertheless
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, I strongly disagree that
art
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 and
music
Use synonyms
classes
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 should be optional
due to
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 creativity and relieving stress.

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task achievement
The task response is quite comprehensive and covers most aspects of the topic. However, further elaboration on opposing viewpoints could strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Ensure that all ideas are clearly and comprehensively developed. A few sentences could benefit from additional detail or clarification.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of ideas is generally good, but linking phrases between paragraphs could improve cohesion.
task achievement
The essay provides clear and relevant examples to support its main points, which enhances the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both strong, effectively presenting the writer's standpoint and summarizing the argument.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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