Art and music classes should not be mandatory at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is an ongoing debate about whether
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
Use synonyms
and
music
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
should be taken as mandatory
classes
Use synonyms
or not. I firmly disagree with the idea that
art
Use synonyms
and
music
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
should not be compulsory.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
art
Use synonyms
and
music
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
can foster the creativity of
students
Use synonyms
. Test-oriented subjects
such
Linking Words
as science and mathematics tend to stop young
students
Use synonyms
thinking in an active way and they just get used to memorizing everything.
In contrast
Linking Words
, when there are
art
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
at school, young
children
Use synonyms
can build creativity skills by doing handcraft work.
For instance
Linking Words
, I have a memory that I had made an imaginary neighbour with my friends as a group assignment. It is interesting that now we are living in the world of autonomous driving, which we used to make in that class.
Second,
Linking Words
allowing
art
Use synonyms
and
music
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
create opportunities for
students
Use synonyms
to relieve stress.
Moreover
Linking Words
, listening to
music
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
as classics and jazz alleviates the pressures they get from school. Focusing only on complicated subjects can cause hard tense for
children
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, if
children
Use synonyms
take a class of
music
Use synonyms
,
students
Use synonyms
have a chance to prepare a chorus with a whole classmates.
In addition
Linking Words
, it might be not only a long-lasting memory but
also
Linking Words
a good experience
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
building teamwork and feeling a sense of belonging.
To sum up
Linking Words
, it is true that there are supporters who believe
children
Use synonyms
should concentrate on the subjects needed to pass the exam.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I strongly disagree that
art
Use synonyms
and
music
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
should be optional
due to
Linking Words
creativity and relieving stress.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Consider refining the logical flow between paragraphs. While each paragraph presents a separate idea, they could benefit from clearer transitions to enhance the overall flow.
task achievement
In the second body paragraph, consider expanding slightly on how art and music specifically contribute to relieving stress. This will strengthen the idea by providing a direct connection between the activity and the result.
coherence and cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion and reinforce your stance.
task achievement
The essay remains focused on the task, presenting a well-rounded argument with pertinent examples to support your points.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: