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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that the academic success of students depends on good teachers at schools. Others think that it depends on the attitude and determination of the students. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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Students
Use synonyms
 are the future workers.
Therefore
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, many individuals believe learners get the most benefits from having a well-educated teacher as they can teach based on their knowledge and experience.
Whereas
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, others imply that it’s student's determination and attitude that make them succeed in
life
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 as it’s ultimately up to them to decide what they want to pursue. Both of these views are elaborated in
further
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 paragraphs
along with
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 my view in conclusion. Educators play a vital role in
students
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'
lives
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 and
therefore
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 having a good teacher is essential. The predominant reason is that they foster changes in schoolers'
lives
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 by teaching new skills and important
life
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 lessons. Not only that but
also
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 they can guide
students
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 to be pioneers in their respective fields.
For example
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, if a teacher has identified a unique skill in a student,
then
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 they can help them to learn more in-depth.
However
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, it’s not always up to teachers to make their
students
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 succeed in
life
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. The primary reason is that
students
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 can only decide what they want to do with their
lives
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.
Additionally
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, they have the ultimate responsibility to choose what’s best for them that will give them the purpose of
life
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. A perfect example is most artists in the world as they did not attend schools, colleges and universities to do what they enjoy doing.
Instead
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, they chased their dreams with dedication and the right attitude.
To conclude
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, teachers do play an essential role in
students
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'
lives
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 as they can share their expertise and experience,
as well as
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 provide guidance to learners. But, student’s willingness
also
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 plays a crucial role. From my perspective,
students
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 should have mentors who can guide and motivate them to push their boundaries to achieve something greater.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure seamless transitions between the paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Provide more varied and specific examples to support your points, particularly regarding the impact of teachers and students' determination.
task achievement
The introduction clearly outlines the two views and previews the discussion, setting a good context for the essay.
task achievement
The essay effectively discusses both perspectives before concluding with a personal opinion, which demonstrates critical thinking.
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