IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

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These days, through the development of science and technology , there are all kinds of social media.
People
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 can use these tools to talk about
music
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 with different
people
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 who come from different backgrounds.
This
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 trend is popular and common all over the world.In my opinion, I agree with
this
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 point. On the one hand, through talking about
music
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,
people
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 can break down the boundaries of location and age. Listening to
music
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 is just like a personal hobby.
People
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 can talk about different kinds of
music
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 with friends. In
this
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 process, they can make more friends from different
proviences
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provinces
 and even other countries.They can
also
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 make some friendships between generations. When
people
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 listen to
music
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 with their friends together, they will forget the pressure during a long time of working or studying.
In addition
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, through the development of science and technology,
people
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 can talk with
people
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 who come from all over the world. It is a good way to open their mind,
learn
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and learn
show examples
 about different cultures and unique
history
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histories
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.
People
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 can even learn a foreign language in
this
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 process. It is a great method to improve personal self-esteem and cultural confidence.
Peopel
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People
 can get abilities to talk with
people
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 from all walks of life.
On the other hand
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, different
people
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 come from different nations, and
they
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apply
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listening to the same
music
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 together will bring some cultural conflict.
However
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,
people
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 usually seek common points
while
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 reserving differences. In conclusion,
people
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 should be encouraged to share
music
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 with
people
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come
Correct pronoun usage
who come
show examples
 from different countries and different ages. It is one of the most important ways to bring
people
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 together.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your essay and improve coherence.
task achievement
Expand on points made to provide more specific examples, especially regarding cultural differences and conflicts when listening to music.
content
You effectively highlight the role of technology in connecting people through music.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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