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Band 5.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at early stage. Punishment is necessary to help them learn the difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?

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Nowadays,
children
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 at an early stage might not be able to
differentitate
Correct your spelling
differentiate
 between right and wrong. Parents and teachers think that
children
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 should be punished so that they can learn the contrast between right and wrong. On the one hand, if you consider the perspective that wanting to educate
children
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,
then
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 penalizing them is okay. In order to make
kids
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 at early stages learn the difference between good and bad, most
adults
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 use these methods and most of the time it works for them to become conscious individuals. So, when punishments are used, it can help
children
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 understand the consequences of their actions, shaping their behaviour in a
way
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 that aligns with societal expectations.
On the other hand
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, some people argue that punishment may have negative long-term effects. They believe that it can cause fear, resentment, and a lack of trust between
children
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 and
adults
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.
Besides
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 that, if
adults
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 punish the
kids
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 in an exaggerated
way
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, trauma may occur.
Instead
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 of punishment, some experts suggest focusing on positive reinforcement and teaching
children
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 through empathy and open dialogue.
This
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 method encourages the
children
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 to make good decisions because they understand the value of their actions. In my opinion,
children
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 should not be physically punished, so that they will not take any damage and they would not be traumatized. To punish them, you can ignore their behaviours that
seeks
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seek
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 attention, use restitution and provide an immediate cause. All in
all
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all,
show examples
adults
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 should be punishing
children
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 at an early stage in a
proporate
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corporate
way
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.
As a result
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,
kids
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 will be conscious individuals and they will be able to differentiate between right and wrong. Eventually, we can say punishing in a harmless
way
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 can educate
kids
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.

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task achievement
The introduction could be more clearly defined to outline the main points you will discuss in your essay. You might also want to state your own opinion explicitly in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence to guide the reader through your argument. This will improve logical flow and make it easier for the reader to follow your ideas.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, referencing specific research studies or expert opinions on the effects of punishment could strengthen your argument.
content
You present both sides of the argument well, which shows a balanced view and understanding of the topic.
content
Your conclusion summarizes your main points effectively and reiterates your opinion clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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