IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to imporse a higher tax on this kind of food. TO what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In the
fast pace
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
show examples
 world, many
people
Use synonyms
 are facing health issues
due to
Linking Words
 eating fast
food
Use synonyms
 frequently .As the
number
Use synonyms
 of fast
food
Use synonyms
eaters
Use synonyms
increasing
Wrong verb form
increases
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should implement more taxes
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is thought
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 imposing more tax can result in
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
eater
Change to a plural noun
eaters
show examples
, it has
also
Linking Words
 adverse effects on the pocket of
occasionally
Change the adverb
occasional
show examples
eaters
Use synonyms
 and fast
food
Use synonyms
businesses owner
Fix the agreement mistake
business owners
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
 I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and will write down
other effective alternative
Change the wording
another effective alternative
other effective alternatives
show examples
which should be more focused
by
Change preposition
on by
show examples
 the higher
authorties
Correct your spelling
authorities
.
Undoubtly
Correct your spelling
Undoubtedly
,
Change preposition
in
show examples
recent days there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
Correct article usage
a
show examples
steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily
steady
spike seen
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of junk
food
Use synonyms
eaters
Use synonyms
 because of toungue taste , too many
option
Change to a plural noun
options
show examples
 available, and not having
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
time to cook
due to
Linking Words
 work load which lead to
standard
Correct article usage
the standard
show examples
 of health decreasing
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
show examples
 the world.
Although
Linking Words
 putting taxes may stop
people
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 buying these foods as prices of junk
food
Use synonyms
 would
increased
Change the verb form
increase
be increased
show examples
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it would
also
Linking Words
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
those ordinary pockets who
loves
Correct subject-verb agreement
love
show examples
 to eat
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
only once in a
while
Linking Words
 which for me seems unfair.
In addition
Linking Words
 ,
due to
Linking Words
 the higher cost of fast
Use synonyms
food
Add a comma
food,
show examples
 it would
offers
Change the verb form
offer
show examples
 only
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
 customers which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not only hit the businesses
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
but also
show examples
 can lead to
laid off
Add a hyphen
laid-off
show examples
 workers and increased
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the rate of the
unemployement
Correct your spelling
unemployment
. . Moving
further
Linking Words
 with the solution, there is no doubt
in
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public health is one of the major
concern
Fix the agreement mistake
concerns
show examples
for the government . In order to tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
should spread
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness among the public
regard
Replace the word
regarding
show examples
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of being healthy
fited
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
and invest some money
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
gym
Fix the agreement mistake
gyms
show examples
 with low fares,
this
Linking Words
lead
Replace the word
leads
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 might still eat fast
food
Use synonyms
 but it may decrease the
number
Use synonyms
 of times they eat and motivates them to do exercise. In conclusion, imposing more taxes on unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 may be not
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 appropriate option to tackle the problem of
unhealthy
Add an article
the unhealthy
show examples
 public as it would
effects
Change the verb form
effect
show examples
the budget of common
people
Use synonyms
 and may
decreased
Change the verb form
decrease
show examples
 the employment rate .
However
Linking Words
 , organizing
campaign
Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns
show examples
and
open
Replace the word
opening
show examples
 public facilities
such
Linking Words
 as
gym
Fix the agreement mistake
gyms
show examples
 may the best option to
decreased
Change the form of the verb
decrease
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
fast
Add a hyphen
fast-food
show examples
food
Use synonyms
eaters
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on structuring your paragraphs more clearly; each paragraph should focus on one main idea with supporting details.
task achievement
Make sure to use more formal language and avoid contractions; this will enhance the tone of your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments, such as statistics on fast food consumption or references to successful health campaigns.
task achievement
You have expressed a clear opinion throughout the essay, which is important for addressing the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your points address potential consequences of increased taxes on fast food, showing critical thinking about the issue.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • government intervention
  • taxation
  • healthy eating habits
  • public health initiatives
  • nutritious alternatives
  • affordable food options
  • public awareness campaigns
  • health problems
  • rise in consumption
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