IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe that the government should support artists like musicians, painters, and poets, while others argue that this is a misuse of funds. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is an ongoing debate that funding art-related works is a waste of
Use synonyms
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
 budget.
While
Linking Words
 I tend to oppose
this
Linking Words
 idea, I would have to support an adequate amount of money to be allocated as a form of
diplomacy
Use synonyms
 to boost a
country
Use synonyms
's economic growth. It is widely acknowledged that art is a form of soft
diplomacy
Use synonyms
 in which the
government
Use synonyms
 can introduce a
country
Use synonyms
's ideology and value to the global world through the least coercive strategy.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, funding musicians, painters, and writers can help them produce the best quality of works that can convey a subtle message of
Use synonyms
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
 agenda and ultimately attract foreign investment.
For example
Linking Words
, for the
last
Linking Words
 two
decades
Add a comma
decades,
show examples
korean
Change the capitalization
Korean
show examples
drama
Fix the agreement mistake
dramas
show examples
 and
singer
Fix the agreement mistake
singers
show examples
 has attracted many international fans to learn
Change preposition
about korean
show examples
korean
Change the capitalization
Korean
show examples
 culture and visit the
country
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people may
also
Linking Words
 think that funding
such
Linking Words
 works is a mismanagement because they have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
very few vacancies, and require a
little
Correct word choice
small
show examples
 number of manpower.
Therefore
Linking Words
 many people do not see its direct benefits to their life sustainability.
For example
Linking Words
, many students across countries are interested
to pursue
Change preposition
in pursuing
show examples
 art-related studies,
however
Linking Words
 looking at how the industry
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 a lot of sacrifices in terms of time, energy, and money, they prefer to study
major
Fix the agreement mistake
majors
show examples
 that
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a more promising income like engineer and
teacher
Replace the word
teaching
show examples
. In conclusion, it seems to me that it would be beneficial for the
government
Use synonyms
 to allocate an adequate amount of money for artists to introduce their
country
Use synonyms
 worldwide, which can attract international investment and ultimately open a lot of employment opportunities. Allocating state
budget
Fix the agreement mistake
budgets
show examples
 for artists is the most strategic and easiest way to foster economic development. It is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
soft
diplomacy
Use synonyms
 where the
government
Use synonyms
 can promote their
country
Use synonyms
's ideology and
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
show examples
 through must be fully supported is a form of soft
diplomacy
Use synonyms
 where a

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider strengthening your introduction to more clearly outline the two sides of the debate, as well as your opinion. This will improve the clarity of your position from the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
In your body paragraphs, ensure there is a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. This helps guide the reader and improves clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the transitions between sentences and ideas. Phrases that guide the reader, such as 'On the other hand,' are useful, but try to include a wider variety of linking phrases to enhance the flow.
task achievement
Make sure to provide a more balanced view in your second paragraph, acknowledging the counter-argument more thoroughly, which will strengthen your overall analysis.
task achievement
Avoid repetition in your conclusion. Try summarizing the key points succinctly and reiterate your main opinion without adding new ideas at the end.
content
Your argument about the role of art in soft diplomacy is well articulated and interesting, providing a unique perspective on the topic.
content
You provide relevant examples, such as Korean dramas, which effectively support your argument and demonstrate your understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • cultural diversity
  • innovation
  • creativity
  • trickle-down effect
  • national pride
  • artistic independence
  • government funding
  • taxpayer burden
  • compromise integrity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: