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Band 4.5

Some people think that children should go to play way school before they go to primary school, while others think it is better if they stay at home, Discuss both views and give your opinion

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It is a debatable issue whether toddlers should start primary
education
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 directly or they should first attend kindergarten before taking their first step in the field of
education
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.
While
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 some individuals think that it is a better decision to make kids stay with their families, I believe it is more advantageous to admit
children
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in
Change preposition
to
show examples
play way
Correct your spelling
playway
 schools prior to primary
education
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. On the one hand, there are various reasons why people support the idea of allowing
children
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 to stay at home during the early stage of life.
Firstly
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, they think kids are too young and fragile to be exposed to
outer
Add an article
the outer
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 world as they are not completely ready for a naive change and require
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of care and attention
due to
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 unawareness of their surroundings and on
such
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occasion
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occasions
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 it becomes imperative if parents take care of their
children
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.
Secondly
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, it is a common saying that parents are the best teachers at
early
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an early
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 age and staying together all the time is helpful for both parents and
offspring's
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offspring
offspring
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 to establish a strong
bonding
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bond
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 between them.
Also
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,
this
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 healthy bonding is pivotal as
this
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 impression stays for
entire
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the entire
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 lifetime of a child.
Finally
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, facing competency at
such
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 an early stage sometimes has more negative aspects as they may get
pressurized
Verb problem
pressured
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 which constrains the growth and development of a child's future
prospect
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prospects
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.
On the other hand
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, I believe that making young ones attend kindergartens before primary school has enormous benefits. First and foremost,
play way
Correct your spelling
playway
 schools act as foundational
step
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steps
show examples
 for
constructive
Correct article usage
the constructive
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 growth of young
children
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 and even research has proved that they have high learning capability during formative years so procrastination is not recommended in
education
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 and they should start learning as soon as possible.
Moreover
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, by attending preschool classes, they could learn how to cooperate with peers in a group which may lead to
growth
Add an article
the growth
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 of social personality.
For instance
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, by playing a group game they would learn to help teammates and how to encourage them to do their best which can be totally adventitious for them to flourish in earlier stages.
Last
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 but not least, if they Join play way they will get familiarized and adaptive to
school
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the school
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 atmosphere at a very tender age by Virtue of which they become acquainted with some basic subjects like
Correct article usage
the alphabets
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alphabets
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alphabet
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 and number age by
virtuessential
Correct your spelling
virtu-essential
 requirements for primary school so
children
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 would go to nursery class with sufficient confidence. In conclusion,
although
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 some individuals advocate the benefits if kids stay with their families before Starting
education
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 as
this
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 helich for them to become mentally
strolassert
Correct your spelling
stable
that
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apply
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going to
kindergarfore
Correct your spelling
kindergarten
 would be a pragmatic approach for them
strong
Add the comma(s)
, strong
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 youngsters.

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coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through your arguments. Additionally, provide smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Develop your ideas further, giving more comprehensive explanations and details. For example, elaborate on the specific skills children can develop in kindergartens to improve clarity.
positive
Your introduction presents a clear overview of the topic and your opinion, which is essential in setting the stage for the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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