IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is generally believed that citizens should take
risks
Use synonyms
, both in their personal and professional lives. I personally agree that the merits of choosing to take opportunity outweigh the demerits for the following reasons. On the one hand, common citizens who never take a chance to take an opportunity will never know how to achieve something.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if society never takes the opportunity, they might never know how far their capability is. Taking
risks
Use synonyms
 always makes people start to do something different than they usually do.
As a result
Linking Words
, citizens would increase their
skills
Use synonyms
 and ability.
For instance
Linking Words
, young society who take
risks
Use synonyms
 for entrance the popular universities would study very hard to increase their knowledge and
skills
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, staying in the comfort zone would make some communities feel stuck and fooled at the same time.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, choosing to take a risk would gain some benefits, especially for young generations. Young generations should take as many
risks
Use synonyms
 as possible to develop their mental conditions and obviously to raise their
skills
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
as a result
Linking Words
 of the development of technologies, there are some challenges thing will be faced.
For instance
Linking Words
, artificial intelligence would change the labour in a particular area.
In contrast
Linking Words
, it would be more difficult for graduate students to find the right jobs in the future.
In addition
Linking Words
, taking many
risks
Use synonyms
 could increase their ability to survive in the lowest part of their life.
However
Linking Words
, the options to take
risks
Use synonyms
 have consequences,
such
Linking Words
 as failing to achieve what communities want.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
besides
Linking Words
 taking uncertainty have some cons,
such
Linking Words
 as people feeling stuck, the pros outweigh the cons because
risks
Use synonyms
 make people go away from their comfort zone and they can develop their
skills
Use synonyms
 and ability to face some challenges in the future.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Clarify the phrase 'take opportunity' to improve clarity, perhaps use 'seize opportunities' instead.
task achievement
Consider rephrasing 'young society' to 'young people' for improved clarity and naturalness.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the transition between paragraphs to improve flow, linking ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Provide specific examples or scenarios in your conclusion to reinforce your argument and support your final statement.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion that supports your argument well.
task achievement
The essay covers relevant points concerning risks and their implications for personal and professional growth.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: