IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is believed that extinction of flora and fauna is the main environmental problem in
this
Linking Words
 decade.
Also
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, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that there are more serious
problems
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. I absolutely agree with the second opinion. The majority of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that Global warming
due to
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 pollution and deforestation is the most important issue in our time. One of the main reasons for the disappearance of animals and plants is increasing temperature. It leads to floods, tsunamis, acid rains, and a
lot
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 of
problems
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.
For instance
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, polar bears are becoming extinct because the weather is getting warmer every day.
Furthermore
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, the greenhouse gas effect causes ozone layer depletion
for
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this
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 reason climate is changed and destroys creatures' abode. In my farewell view, public health issues play an important role in our lives and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not having access to clean water or appropriate food is a big concern. A
lot
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 of children are died of health issues
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 in poor countries.
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Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 Some pandemics like COVID-19 threaten
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the world. In those times humans lost a
lot
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 of their family and friends because of
this
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 disease.
In addition
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, there is a new illness every day which causes death all around the world. Some
people
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 think that the death of animals and plants leads to breaking the food chain and causes
problems
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 not only for humans but
also
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 for other creatures but I refute
this
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 mindset. Global warming, the greenhouse gas effect and a dirty environment are the main reasons for destroying their habitat and
people
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 should be worried about the primary reasons. In conclusion, losing animals and plants is the cause and the reason which is related to global warming is more important.
People
Use synonyms
 can control a
lot
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 of
problems
Use synonyms
 by hygiene and help poor countries access clean water and food.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to clearly express both sides of the argument with equal attention. Revisit the view against your own to provide a balanced discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using linking words and phrases to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs. This will help in making your argument more cohesive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion clearly summarizes your position and reinforces the main points you have discussed in the essay, linking them back to your opinion.
Task Achievement
You present a clear personal opinion, which helps in demonstrating your position on the topic.
Task Achievement
Your essay includes relevant examples that illustrate your points about global warming and public health—this helps to develop your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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