IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Q1. In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to imporse a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, it is quite often to see people suffering
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 various
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 issues because of having
overwhelming
Add an article
an overwhelming
show examples
 amount of fast
food
Use synonyms
 in their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Imposing high taxation on these
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
food
Use synonyms
 by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 is the only possible solution. I partially agree with
perspective
Correct article usage
the perspective
show examples
 as there are other ways that can help to
cub
Correct your spelling
curb
show examples
this
Linking Words
 increasing problem.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, implementing high taxation policies on having
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
junk
food
Use synonyms
 is one of the best strategies to reduce the consumption
unhealthy
Change preposition
of unhealthy
show examples
food
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, It has been often noticed that when governments charge enormous
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of taxes on any products, people gradually reduce buying those items.
Moreover
Linking Words
, high taxes decrease
purchasing
Correct article usage
the purchasing
show examples
 power of consumers and reduce the tendency
of purchasing
Change preposition
to purchase
show examples
 something. On the other side, there are myriad ways to overcome the problem of consuming fast
food
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, spreading awareness among young people about the causes of consuming unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 can be an excellent solution.
This
Linking Words
 may help to bring down the consumption rate of junk
food
Use synonyms
, especially
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
 youngsters.
Secondly
Linking Words
, cooking at home healthy and tasty meals is
also
Linking Words
 a significant idea to
gab
Correct your spelling
grab
show examples
 the interest of
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation. For
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
, making
home made
Correct your spelling
homemade
show examples
burger
Fix the agreement mistake
burgers
show examples
 can assure parents that their children are having fresh, healthy and hygienic
food
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 implementing large
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of taxes on fast
food
Use synonyms
 is a brilliant way to reduce its consumption, it is extremely difficult to ignore other mitigating measures
such
Linking Words
 as
home made
Correct your spelling
homemade
show examples
 cooking and running awareness campaigns.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make sure your introduction clearly states your position regarding the extent of your agreement or disagreement. It will help to establish your viewpoint more clearly.
task response
In your body paragraphs, ensure that each point is supported by clear examples or explanations. This will help strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar, such as subject-verb agreement and article use (e.g., 'these type of food' should be 'this type of food'). Such inaccuracies can slightly detract from clarity, even if the meaning is understood.
task response
You demonstrated a clear understanding of the topic and acknowledged multiple perspectives, which shows critical thinking.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: