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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that school children should not be given home work by their teachers whereas others argue that homework plays an important role in the education of children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In today’s education sector, distributing
homework
Use synonyms
 to
students
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 is widely implemented in schools,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 a few individuals believe that it is unnecessary
while
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 the instructors argue that it is crucial for better quality education. In my opinion, I believe balancing between providing kids adequate
time
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 for themselves and giving out
homework
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 is crucial for their personal growth and development. On the one hand, it is an undeniable fact that doing
homework
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 can be stressful and
time
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-consuming.
Students
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 need to finish those before their bedtime after attending school for a whole
day
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, which may cause them
having
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to have
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 inadequate
time
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 to rest comfortably and get
refresh
Wrong verb form
refreshed
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 for the next
day
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. Since
this
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 routine is often
repeatedly
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repeated
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 every
day
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 on weekdays, they only have some leisure
time
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 for their hobby and
playing
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play
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 with friends only
in
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at
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 weekends.
Additionally
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, sometimes, overdoing
homework
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 might affect their biological clock, leading to severe sleep deprivation,
Consequently
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,
imbalance
Correct article usage
an imbalance
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 of
time
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 allocations for
homework
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 and relaxation may lead to stress and serious burnout
to
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in
show examples
 teenagers, which may affect their long-term mental health.
On the other hand
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, providing exercises is proven to be one of the most effective approaches for the
students
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 to gain more understanding
on
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of
show examples
 what they
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 learned at school.
For instance
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, some common tough subjects
such
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 as mathematics and language require repetitive self-training for
students
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 to grasp a better understanding and identify their weaknesses in certain topics.
Furthermore
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, several studies
had
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have
show examples
 proved that revising topics on the same
day
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 before getting sleep will help them memorize better for the long term.
Therefore
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, the importance of
homework
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 for
students
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 is fairly validated and reasonable. In conclusion, the implementation of
homework
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 in schools has its own drawbacks and benefits. In my opinion, parents and teachers should play vital roles in balancing
between
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apply
show examples
students
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’ free
time
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 outside of the lessons and providing enough exercises for their self-revision
for nurturing
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to nurture
show examples
 better growth and character development.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider providing a clearer outline of both viewpoints in the introduction to guide the reader more effectively. It helps to set a stronger framework for your argument.
coherence and cohesion
In the body paragraphs, use more linking phrases to connect ideas smoothly. This will enhance the flow of the essay and make it easier for readers to follow your argument.
task achievement
Make sure to explicitly state your opinion more prominently in the conclusion, reinforcing your stance on the issue.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view by discussing both sides of the homework debate, which is commendable and essential for this type of essay.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples that illustrate the benefits of homework, particularly in challenging subjects, which strengthens your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The overall structure of your essay is clear, with separate sections for each viewpoint and a conclusion that summarizes your argument well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • homework
  • stress
  • burnout
  • inequity
  • learning environment
  • resources
  • learning styles
  • quality education
  • reinforcement
  • time management
  • organization
  • accountability
  • parental involvement
  • collaborative
  • independent study
  • academic skills
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