IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that children should spend their free time doing organized activities, such as sports and music lessons. Others believe that children should be free to play and explore. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #children #time #activities #sports #music #lessons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Different people have different opinions, especially as adults or parents. People who have already experienced situations have built their opinions on it. For the statement mentioned, in my personal opinion, I feel there can be both sides to it. I feel that children should spend their free time doing organized activities,
such
Linking Words
 as sports and music lessons. As children grow, they experience many different hobbies and activities, which are attractive, fun, and helpful. It is important that a
child
Use synonyms
's growth is not limited to one source and they explore different aspects of life. Each activity teaches them some kind of life skill which stays for life and helps them in future. I feel it is important for a
child
Use synonyms
 to learn the basic morals and values, be it independence, discipline, etc. But, there is another side to it. I
also
Linking Words
 feel that children should not be tied to chains all the time. It is important for us as adults and parents to understand a
child
Use synonyms
's mentality in every aspect. For eg. If a parent wants the
child
Use synonyms
 to learn cricket,
Linking Words
whereas
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
child
Use synonyms
 would want something else. A
child
Use synonyms
's mind is full of thoughts, they get confused and at that point
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 time, it is important to let them free. It is like the situation of a rubber band, the more you pull it, [the]
high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 chances of it
to break
Change the verb form
breaking
show examples
. A
child
Use synonyms
's heart and mind work exactly the same way. We should be the ones to guide them to the right path but if [it is] their choice, not force them and persuade our dreams on them.
Submitted by ksanthosh701 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve your task achievement score, aim to address both views in more detail, providing specific examples for each point. This will demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, consider organizing your thoughts into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single idea. This will enhance the logical flow and make your arguments clearer.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points and clearly stating your own opinion, reaffirming the balanced view you've presented.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction that sets up the discussion about the differing views on children's free time activities.
task achievement
There is a balanced presentation of both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: