IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that students who achieve the highest scores in their exams should be rewarded. Others say that those who show progress should be rewarded instead. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some individuals believe that high achievers in the exams should receive rewards,
while
Linking Words
 others think that those who show good
progress
Use synonyms
 should get a reward
instead
Linking Words
. In my opinion,
students
Use synonyms
 with high
scores
Use synonyms
 should receive a prize to keep them consistent in their results and set an example for others. First of all, pupils who score high grades in their tests should be appreciated.
This
Linking Words
 is because it encourages them to be consistent in their efforts and keep working hard in the future.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 gesture sets an example for other
students
Use synonyms
 to work on themselves and improve their
scores
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, a position holder feels confident and proud when receiving a medal on stage,
while
Linking Words
 other
students
Use synonyms
 see him as a role model to perform better in their exams.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, those pupils who show
progress
Use synonyms
 in their results should
also
Linking Words
 be rewarded. Many
students
Use synonyms
 may feel frustrated or hopeless when they do not get their desired
scores
Use synonyms
 in the exams. Appreciating them for showing
progress
Use synonyms
 helps them stay motivated to work harder and improve their academic results in the future.
For instance
Linking Words
, a certificate of
progress
Use synonyms
 can be a constant reminder for them to stay motivated.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it teaches them that if they keep showing little
progress
Use synonyms
everyday
Rephrase
every day
show examples
, they can achieve success one day. To sum it up, I think that high achievers should be rewarded with medals or shields for their
Use synonyms
scores
Punctuation problem
scores,
show examples
while
Linking Words
students
Use synonyms
 with good
progress
Use synonyms
 should be given small appreciation
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
, certificates
Correct word order
certificates,
show examples
 to keep them motivated.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Give your opinion in a more clear way all through the essay, not only in the start and end.
task response
Add one more clear reason for why progress should be rewarded, so both sides feel more fully developed.
task response
Use examples with a bit more detail, so the ideas feel more real and strong.
coherence cohesion
Link some ideas more smoothly. A few parts feel a little simple or repeated.
coherence cohesion
Avoid small repetition of words like reward, progress, and motivated by using simple changes in wording.
coherence cohesion
Make the last paragraph shorter and clearer. It should sum up the main view without adding too much new detail.
task response
You answer both views and give your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Main ideas are easy to follow and mostly stay on the topic.
task response
You use examples to support your points.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: