IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose higher tax on this kind of food. To extend do you agree or disagree

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Consuming a large number of fast
food
Use synonyms
 will lead to
health
Use synonyms
 issues for
people
Use synonyms
 in some nations. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe the effective measure is that the government should raise taxes on fast
food
Use synonyms
.
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 may be partly true, I would argue that there are superior ways to tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue. It is understandable why some
people
Use synonyms
 advocate increasing tax will become possible. The key rationale in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 view is that consumers may be hesitant when buying something more expensive than normal.
For example
Linking Words
, the average price for a meal in Viet Nam is just around 50K VND for one person,
as a result
Linking Words
, some kind of fast
food
Use synonyms
 like burgers or fried chicken in McDonald's is too high for eating regularly.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it seems sensible that the government should raise the tax on those foods.
However
Linking Words
, I believe the aforementioned method would
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
produce meager results in the long run.
People
Use synonyms
 like fast
food
Use synonyms
 because of their convenience and taste good despite the higher price.
Instead
Linking Words
, governments and each person should adopt more viable solutions. One of these is to boost numerous marketing strategies to raise the public's awareness about the harmful effects on
people
Use synonyms
's
health
Use synonyms
 of fast
food
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
advertise
Wrong verb form
advertising
show examples
 on the TV about eating
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 much unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 can
leading
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to obesity and diabetes which are very high mortality
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
. Another way is each individual should take responsibility
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
health
Use synonyms
 by eating more healthy
food
Use synonyms
 and exercising regularly.
For instance
Linking Words
, my friends balance their eating habits by adding a lot of healthy
food
Use synonyms
 in every meal like fruits, and vegetables
then
Linking Words
 can be treated by a fast
food
Use synonyms
 meal on the weekend. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 there may be reasons to support increasing
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 on fast
food
Use synonyms
, I believe that the proposed solutions would be better in limiting unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 boosting
people
Use synonyms
's
health
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Try to make sure each paragraph clearly supports your main argument; sometimes the connection between your examples and your points can be stronger.
task response
Ensure to provide a more defined conclusion that revisits your main points briefly rather than just stating an opinion.
task achievement
You have clearly presented your opinion on the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
What to do next:
Look at other essays: