it is a natural process for animal species to become extinct there is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening.

Annihilation
Correct article usage
The annihilation
show examples
of
animals
has
been occured
Wrong verb form
occurred
show examples
in some geological eras which had been an inevitable part of evolution. There are a number of individuals who argue that preventing
this
natural process is not imperative. I am definitely against
this
attitude. On the
one
hand, proponents of the idea contend that numerous creatures have already become extinct without any interference from humans, so why we should worried about killing or hunting them
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Based on their claim and
due to
the fact that human beings are the wisest species on the earth, she has the authority to either exploit or hunt them.
Moreover
, advocators say that we have lost rare creatures, existing on the earth so far and
this
action does not bring about any dangerous implications so we ought not to be minding regarding
animals
which are less valuable than us.
Furthermore
, a majority of people around the world are dying from both hunger and lack of medical facilities, so it is better to devote the budget to rescue them.
On the other hand
, opponents of the idea claim neglect of extinction will result in the extinction of humans. With regard to the reality that all flora and fauna together form the food chain, not being any of them means other loops will die, soon or late.
Besides
this
, if the mother of nature decides to eliminate
one
animal by nature will fill the blank with a compatible
one
. The more new, the more resistant to potential killer factors.
Moreover
,
one
of the reasons that humans work to preserve these
animals
is people can take advantage of the beauty that they give to wildlife parks and of course nature.
To conclude
, I strongly believe that the extinction of other
animals
could jeopardize human beings by starving them and
also
will destroy wildlife without a doubt.
Submitted by amirhossein7179 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Focus on using a variety of sentence structures and connectors to improve the flow of your essay. Currently, there's a heavy reliance on simple structures which can be improved for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
Work on both the complexity and accuracy of your grammar. There are several instances of incorrect verb forms and awkward constructions. Improving these will enhance the overall readability and effectiveness of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer and more direct introduction and conclusion. Clearly state your position in the introduction to immediately engage the reader with your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that all your main points are fully developed and supported by specific examples or evidence. While your essay provides a general overview, more detailed examples will strengthen your arguments and help achieve a higher score.
task achievement
Be cautious of spelling and slight grammatical errors which can detract from your overall message. Proofreading your essay can help identify and correct these mistakes before submission.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: