Being a celebrity-such as a famous film star or sport personality brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity has more benefits or more problems.

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There is a debate over how celebrities' lives impact their liveliness, with some saying being famous has some benefits
while
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others argue that becoming famous will cause some problems.
Although
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famous performers are surrounded by
such
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issues as gossiping about them,
however
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, they earn huge amounts of money. Nowadays being a famous performer has a negative impact on popularity in life. People gossiping about movie stars or sportsmen is one of the main problems that leads to bad consequences or suicides. Being surrounded by various rumours doesn't give them freedom in activity.
For example
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, a singer whose name was Kurt Cobain committed suicide in the 90s because fame was too much for him to handle.
Thus
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, famous performers couldn't get a free and happy lifestyle even if they had a good salary. The beneficial side of becoming a popular sports athlete or celebrity is getting a major salary and being successful.
Firstly
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, it will bring well-known economic status which leads to big opportunities
such
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as living in luxurious conditions.
For instance
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, northern basketball player Michael Jordan opened his own clothing and shoe line, which gave him income from his fans.
Therefore
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this
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type of wealth can bring them a luxurious lifestyle and fame to their fans. In conclusion,
Although
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celebrities can successfully earn big amounts of money and have incomes from fans,
however
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by they
also
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have some drawbacks, which can lead them to bad accidents. Despite the high salaries and luxury soul, freedom and a healthy lifestyle are the optimum choices.

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task achievement
Clarify your position in the introduction by clearly stating whether you believe the benefits or problems outweigh the other.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid hesitant phrases like 'although' at the beginning of a sentence when it isn't followed by a clear contrasting idea. Use them to better structure your arguments.
task achievement
Make sure to include the full context of examples so that the reader can fully understand their relevance; this may improve the clarity of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a wider variety of linking words to enhance cohesion between your paragraphs. For instance, instead of just 'Firstly' and 'For example', you might include transitions like 'Additionally' or 'In contrast'.
content
You have identified both the benefits and drawbacks of being a celebrity, which shows a balanced consideration of the topic.
content
The examples you chose, such as Kurt Cobain and Michael Jordan, are relevant and widely recognized, adding value to your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Celebrity status
  • Public scrutiny
  • Fan base
  • Media attention
  • Financial gain
  • Privacy invasion
  • Adulation
  • Pressure of fame
  • Paparazzi
  • Social responsibility
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