Being a celebrity-such as a famous film star or sport personality brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity has more benefits or more problems.

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There is a debate over how celebrities' lives impact their liveliness, with some saying being famous has some benefits
while
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others argue that becoming famous will cause some problems.
Although
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famous performers are surrounded by
such
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issues as gossiping about them,
however
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, they earn huge amounts of money. Nowadays being
famous
Correct article usage
a famous
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performer has a negative impact on popularity in life. People gossiping about movie stars or sportsmen is one of the main problems that leads to bad consequences or suicides. Being surrounded by various rumours doesn't give them freedom in activity.
For example
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, a singer whose name was Kurt Cobain committed suicide in the 90s because fame was too much for him to handle.
Thus
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, famous performers couldn't get a free and happy lifestyle even if they had a good salary. The beneficial side of becoming a popular sports athlete or celebrity is getting a major salary and being successful.
Firstly
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, it will bring well-known economic status which leads to big opportunities
such
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as living in luxurious conditions.
For instance
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, northern basketball player Michael Jordan opened his own clothing and shoe line, which gave him income from his fans.
Therefore
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this
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type of wealth can bring them a luxurious lifestyle and fame to their fans. In conclusion,
Although
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celebrities can successfully earn big amounts of money and have incomes from fans,
however
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by they
also
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have some drawbacks, which can lead them to bad accidents. Despite the high salaries and luxury soul, freedom and a healthy lifestyle are the optimum choices.

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task achievement
Your introduction presents the topic well, but could be clearer. Consider rephrasing for better clarity. For example, explicitly state which side you support.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow between your ideas. The transition from discussing the problems to benefits feels abrupt. Using transitional phrases could help.
task achievement
Some examples provided are effective, but ensure that all points are supported with clear reasoning. For instance, elaborating more on how fame brings money would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples of celebrities, which adds credibility to your argument.
task achievement
The essay generally addresses the topic, and you have made an effort to present both sides.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Celebrity status
  • Public scrutiny
  • Fan base
  • Media attention
  • Financial gain
  • Privacy invasion
  • Adulation
  • Pressure of fame
  • Paparazzi
  • Social responsibility
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