IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the best way to succeed is to get a university education, while others disagree and say that it is no longer true nowadays. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The need for a
university
Use synonyms
 education to attain
success
Use synonyms
 is an ongoing debate.
While
Linking Words
 there are some who think that
this
Linking Words
 type of education is pivotal to
one
Use synonyms
's greatness, there are opponents who feel it is not important in
this
Linking Words
 century.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elaborate on both perspectives and explain why I agree that there is a need for advanced education
in achieving
Change preposition
to achieve
show examples
success
Use synonyms
. Advocates believe that there are two main benefits of attending a
university
Use synonyms
. The most important is that it can boost
one
Use synonyms
's credibility. A certain prestige is given to
university
Use synonyms
 graduates as it is believed that their certification proves their competency.
For instance
Linking Words
, companies would prefer to contract a mechanical engineer who has a graduate diploma than
one
Use synonyms
 who learnt on the job.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
,
university
Use synonyms
 grounds are great places to network. These connections are beneficial to achieving greatness as they can be climbing stones to
success
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, opponents disagree that
university
Use synonyms
 is a must for two reasons. The first is that it can be a waste of resources in certain professions, as there are shorter and less expensive courses that explain important aspects.
For example
Linking Words
, in many nations, maternity nurses do not have to attend a
university
Use synonyms
 to succeed at their work.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 approach, many have experienced more childbirth complications making them more
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 to the doctors.
In addition
Linking Words
, there are certain jobs that
one
Use synonyms
 can learn without going to school. Jobs that
involves
Change the verb form
involve
show examples
 practical skills
such
Linking Words
 as fashion designing or hair making might require more of
Correct article usage
an appenticeship
show examples
appenticeship
Correct your spelling
apprenticeship
apprenticeships
 than enrolling in universities. In conclusion, I think that both schools of thought have their merits. On balance, I feel that it is better to get a
university
Use synonyms
 degree because I think the benefits of credibility and networking in terms of
success
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more important than wasting resources or learning menial jobs.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Improve the clarity of your examples, ensuring they effectively illustrate your points. For instance, the example of maternity nurses could be better linked to the argument of resource waste by providing specific statistics or outcomes.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider enhancing the transitions between points and paragraphs for smoother reading. This will help to guide the reader through your arguments.
Task Achievement
Your essay contains a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which is a key strength.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame your essay, giving it a clear purpose and direction.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • university education
  • higher pay
  • sweated and sacrificed
  • higher education
  • time, effort, and financial investment
  • specialized knowledge and skills
  • job prospects
  • economic contributions
  • valuable contributions
  • fairness and equality
What to do next:
Look at other essays: