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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduatees get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both indiviuduals and society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

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Nowadays, more and more people think that the goal of
university
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education
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 is to assist graduates obtain better jobs. Others feel there are a lot of comprehensive advantages of
university
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education
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 for both individuals and societies. In
this
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 essay, I will provide some opinions on
this
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 matter. It is certainly true that one of the main purposes of
university
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education
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 is to assist graduates acquire better jobs. The majority of people desire to improve their future career prospects and attending
university
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 is one of the best ways to do
this
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. It increases the marketable skills of a
person
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.
In addition
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,
further
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education
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 is very expensive for many people, so most would consider it if it would not provide them with a more secure future and a higher standard of living. So, job prospects are very essential.
On the other hand
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, there are other advantages to
further
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education
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.
Firstly
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, the independence of living away from home is a benefit as it helps a
person
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 develop better social skills and improve as a
person
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. A case in point, there are many students who have to leave their families and stay in halls of residence. It will make students get a lot of friends and connect with each other.
secondly
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, there are differences in mindsets between a
person
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 who continues their studies and a
person
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 who decides to work without continuing their studies.
Thus
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, they can gain a broader perspective by interacting with individuals from diverse backgrounds and experiences. In conclusion, one of the goals of colleges is to make a
person
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 become valuable because they will enhance their skills in their lectures

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task response
Enhance the introduction by providing a clearer thesis statement that outlines the main arguments of the essay. It helps guide the reader on what to expect in the following paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis statement, which will improve coherence and guide the reader more effectively through your arguments.
task response
Expand on your examples to make them more specific and relevant to the arguments presented. For example, instead of simply saying students can make friends, you might discuss a specific experience or group activity that illustrates this benefit.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both perspectives on university education.
task achievement
The arguments are relevant and clearly relate to the topic under discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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