IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people around the world use social media to keep in touch with other people and get news event. Do you think the advantages outwwigh the disadvantages?

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In today's digital era, millions of people worldwide use social
media
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 platforms
such
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 as WhatsApp, Instagram, and Twitter to stay connected and access news. In my opinion, the advantages of social
media
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 outweigh the disadvantages.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before concluding that the benefits are more significant. On the one hand, social
media
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 enhances
communication
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 and provides easy access to
information
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. It allows people to stay in touch with friends and family regardless of distance. Messaging apps like WhatsApp and Telegram offer instant
communication
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, making interactions more convenient and efficient.
Additionally
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, social
media
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 serves as a primary source of news, enabling users to stay updated on current events in
real time
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real-time
show examples
.
For instance
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, a study conducted at King Abdulaziz University in Jeddah found that social
media
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 usage has significantly improved
communication
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 among individuals by increasing connectivity and
information
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 exchange.
On the other hand
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, social
media
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 has some drawbacks, including reduced face-to-face interaction and the spread of misinformation. Many individuals rely heavily on digital
communication
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, leading to a decline in in-person social skills, which are essential in professional and personal settings.
Furthermore
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, unreliable sources on social
media
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 often spread misleading or false
information
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, especially regarding health and politics. A survey published by Makkah Newspaper in 2010 revealed that approximately 15% of the
information
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 shared on social
media
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 platforms was inaccurate, highlighting the risks of relying on unverified sources. In conclusion,
while
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 social
media
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 has certain disadvantages,
such
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 as decreased face-to-face
communication
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 and the risk of misinformation, its benefits in improving global connectivity and providing quick access to
information
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 outweigh these drawbacks.
Therefore
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, I believe that social
media
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 remains a valuable tool in today’s interconnected world.

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task achievement
Make sure to provide even clearer examples or evidence to bolster your points, especially in discussing the drawbacks of social media. This will enhance the strength of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay has a logical structure, consider using a more varied range of cohesive devices to connect your ideas smoothly. This can enhance the overall flow.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your opinion and outlines what the essay will discuss, which is essential for guiding the reader.
task achievement
The examples you provided, including studies and statistics, effectively support your points about the advantages and disadvantages of social media.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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