IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that competitive sports have a positive effect on the education of teenagers while others argue that the effect is negative. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Competitive
sports
Use synonyms
 have become
Correct article usage
a significance
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significance
Replace the word
significant
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 part
in
Change preposition
of
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 the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 of
teenagers
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. Some people think that these
sports
Use synonyms
 have a positive
impact
Use synonyms
 on the
education
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others think that it has
Add an article
a
show examples
negative
impact
Use synonyms
 .I firmly believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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sports
Use synonyms
 have
positive
Add an article
a positive
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impact
Use synonyms
 on the
education
Use synonyms
 of
teenagers
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
viewpoints. People who believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
impact
Use synonyms
 on the study of
teenagers
Use synonyms
.
Sports
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 are helpful
to release
Change preposition
in releasing
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 stress and anxiety.When
youngsters
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 play any sport they
also
Linking Words
 feel enjoyed and they feel positive . It could
helpful to
Wrong verb form
help
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 them to concentrate more on their
education
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 and perform better in their academics without any stress.
Sports
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also
Linking Words
 teach
teenagers
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 about teamwork,discipline and skills,and these are enough to make them more punctual regarding their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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.
For instance
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, In
football
Add a comma
football,
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 there is
specific
Add an article
a specific
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 time in the match
and
Correct word choice
apply
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related
with
Change preposition
to
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 good teamwork.
Moreover
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,
sports
Use synonyms
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 to keep them healthy and fit. Physical fitness plays
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
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 role
to perform
Change preposition
in performing
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 well in academics of the
youngsters
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.If
teenagers
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 are fit
then
Linking Words
 they can easily attain their educational goals.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,people who believe that these
sports
Use synonyms
 have
negative
Add an article
a negative
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impact
Use synonyms
 on the
youngsters
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 . Some
teenagers
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 give more than enough attention to these
sports
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 ,and they do not balance their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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. These
youngsters
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 only focus on games not on their
education
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,which could lead to major failure in their academics.
Additionally
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, some countries have no scope and resources for
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
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 of
sports
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 and it can waste their time and investment .
Teenagers
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 have the ability to play and perform well in games but it is not worth
for
Correct pronoun usage
it for
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 them in less developed countries. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
 are helpful for
teenagers
Use synonyms
 to
relase
Correct your spelling
relieve
 stress,fitness and
in developing
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
 some skills
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
there are some negative impacts on them.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow between your ideas. Use linking words and phrases to better connect your sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will discuss in your essay. This will guide the reader and set expectations.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to strengthen your arguments. Specific examples can make your points more convincing and clear.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is a strong aspect of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and shows your opinion clearly, which is important in IELTS essays.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • promote a healthier lifestyle
  • valuable life skills
  • mental focus
  • teamwork and communication
  • time management
  • stress relief
  • neglecting academics
  • intense pressure
  • physical injuries
  • mental stress
  • time commitment
  • fear of failure
  • emotional well-being
  • academic performance
  • balancing sports and academics
What to do next:
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