IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Competitiveness is seen as a positive quality for people to have in many societies today. How does this competitiveness affect individuals? Do you think it is a positive or negative quality?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
One of the growing trends in modern
society
Use synonyms
 is that an increasing number of people regard
competitiveness
Use synonyms
 as a favourable quality, which plays a significant role in achieving success and realising personal goals.
While
Linking Words
 there is an ongoing debate about its
overall
Linking Words
 effects,
competitiveness
Use synonyms
 generally yields positive outcomes by enhancing individuals’ adaptability in a competitive job market and fostering societal vitality. For individuals,
competitiveness
Use synonyms
 makes it possible to get more job-hunting opportunities. Traditionally, employers are more likely to value stability and tenure rather than inspiring staff’s potential.
However
Linking Words
, in the era of an open market economy, having a competitive edge can be advantageous, showcasing a willingness to go the extra mile and adapt to challenges. Siemens,
for instance
Linking Words
, has carried out large-scale layoffs in the past years, partly
due to
Linking Words
 the need for more competitive employees to adapt to changes and fierce market competition. For
society
Use synonyms
,
competitiveness
Use synonyms
 helps drive societal progress and efficiency, since it can inspire innovation and improvement in various aspects. A typical example could be found in the technology field, where fierce competition among companies like Huawei and Apple has led to rapid advancements in smartphones and other electronic devices.
Additionally
Linking Words
, many countries are making concerted efforts to improve service and security to attract more overseas tourists, ultimately benefiting
society
Use synonyms
 as a whole.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, a drawback of
competitiveness
Use synonyms
 is its toll on individuals' mental and physical well-being. Many people face immense pressure and struggle to find time to rest, leading to compromised health and weakened immunity. Strategies promoting work-life balance, self-care prioritization, and regulated working hours could mitigate these challenges. In conclusion,
competitiveness
Use synonyms
 not only can allow individuals to get more opportunities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 boosts the development of the whole
society
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 it has adverse effects on their physical and mental health, it could be minimized with measures.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that links directly back to your argument about the effects of competitiveness, as this will make your points more distinct and impactful.
task achievement
In your conclusion, you might want to be more explicit about your overall opinion regarding competitiveness, stating whether you ultimately believe its positive aspects outweigh the negative ones.
task achievement
Consider providing a specific example of the mental and physical toll of competitiveness based on real-world evidence or studies to reinforce your argument.
content
Your essay presents a balanced view, discussing both the positive and negative effects of competitiveness, which adds depth to your analysis.
content
You use relevant examples, such as Siemens and the technology industry, which effectively supports your points and illustrates your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: