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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 an d in 2018. Zhazira.

The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 an d in 2018. Zhazira.
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The chart provides information on how humanity in one country used its weekly earnings in the years 1968 and 2018.
Overall
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, it is evident that in 1968 and 2018, most of the wages went on food and leisure.
However
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, expenses for fuel and power were not much higher in the two time periods. In 1968, 35
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percent
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per cent
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 of the amount of money was spent on food; in the same way, housing costs accounted for approximately under 20
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percent
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per cent
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 of the salary.
However
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, around 11
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percent
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per cent
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 of earned income was allocated to various things,
such
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 as transport, personal goods, household goods, clothing and footwear, fuel and power, housing and leisure.
Moreover
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, the expenditure on leisure and housing in 2018 was higher than in 1968 (about 23
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percent
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per cent
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 and 19
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percent
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per cent
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, respectively).
Similarly
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, food costs accounted for roughly 17
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percent
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per cent
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 of income,
while
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 household expenses remained stable at 11
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percent
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per cent
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.
Also
Linking Words
, the percentage for transport had increased to approximately 14
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percent
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per cent
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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