IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There are many reasons that can motivate a person to stay or working for the same company. Some believe that money is the main reason? Do you agree or disagree?

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There is no doubt that these days many people think of leaving or staying in the same
company
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 for several reasons. The question is, do the companies inspire and motivate their
employees
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 to stay or leave
.
Change the punctuation
?
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Are
Verb problem
Do
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 they have problems with other
employees
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 which force them to leave? In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to draw my own conclusion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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motivation is an important aspect that the
company
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 should treat their team. The main reason given to support
this
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 claim is that with all the different kinds of rewards that the
employees
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 receive, they can do better at
work
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.
In other words
Linking Words
, the leaders need to treat their staff
great
Change the word
greatly
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 to earn the excellent effort back. That
why
Add a missing verb
is why
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 all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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companies need to
work
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 hard.
Moreover
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. the respect between the staff and the CEO of the
company
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 will let them
work
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 hard and not retire from the
company
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, money is not a key feature in staying or leaving.
In other words
Linking Words
, even if the money is higher. the
employees
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 can not handle the other team because of how they treat them.
Secondly
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, everything comes with respect, if all the staff respect each other they will not even think of retiring.
Also
Linking Words
, with the bonuses that the workers have or
earn
Add a comma
earn,
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thats
Correct your spelling
that
 will motivate them to
work
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 even harder than before. In conclusion, without motivation from the
company
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, the team will get so much tired of the hard
work
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 and they will have a bad effect.
Therefore
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, I believe that the CEO of companies need to think of how to reward their workers.

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Task Achievement
Develop your main points further with more detailed explanations or examples to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your sentences are grammatically correct and clear to improve overall clarity of your points.
Task Achievement
You have a clear position on the topic and express your opinion throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical flow of ideas, making it easy to follow.
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