IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph illustrates the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number

It seems that numbers may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 of different activities by the number of participants in a social
center
Change the spelling
centre

The spelling of center is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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 in Melbourne, Australia between 2000 to 2020.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in 2020, the film club was still the most
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable

The spelling of favorable is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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 activity followed by table tennis.
In contrast
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, musical performance and amateur dramatics were the least popular among others. In 2000,
Film
Correct article usage
the Film

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 club was the most popular
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity

It seems that activities may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 with around 65
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people

It seems that peoples may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 and remained stable until 2020.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, starting merely with below 20 people and remained plateau for ten years and suddenly soared sharply into approximately 50 players in 2020 and accounted for the highest fluctuation among others.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, martial arts remained constant
in
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 twenty years for approximately 38 people.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the trend of musical performance started in 2005 and became the newest
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity

It seems that activities may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 among others and rose gradually from 0 to almost 20 participants in 2020.
In contrast
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, amateur drama
was
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb was appears to be unnecessary here.

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declined steadily from below 30 to below 10 participants over the years.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • trends
  • significant increases/decreases
  • stable numbers
  • fluctuations
  • overall participation
  • comparison
  • activities
  • social centre
  • Melbourne
  • participants
  • highlight
  • report
  • graph illustrates/demonstrates
  • 20-year period
  • key features
  • main features
  • statistical data
  • variations
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