IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and state your own opinion.

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It is argued that some people claim that
academy
Correct article usage
the academy
show examples
 is where
good
Add an article
the good
a good
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 person
is grown
Wrong verb form
grows
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 up
for
Change preposition
in
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 public
while
Linking Words
 others consider that parents should show their abilities to
children
Use synonyms
 to
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
. Throughout
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explore the why mother or father has
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
children
Use synonyms
’s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and
secondly
Linking Words
, I will discuss
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
how school is indispensable for kids to improve their
moral
Fix the agreement mistake
morals
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
To begin
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 with, parents should care with
Use synonyms
children
Correct pronoun usage
their children
show examples
 them to win
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
every stage of life. They can easily prepare kids
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 by giving
special
Add an article
a special
show examples
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
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 or informal education at home, meaning how
children
Use synonyms
 act to other people
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
beginning
Correct article usage
the beginning
show examples
 at least .
For example
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, when I was a child, before I and my mother went to
neighbour
Add an article
a neighbour
show examples
, my mother would talk to me
that
Change preposition
about
show examples
 both what I
speak
Wrong verb form
spoke
show examples
 and how I
behave
Wrong verb form
behaved
show examples
 to to crowd.
As a result
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 of
this
Linking Words
, when I spend naturally much more time
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 modern
society
Use synonyms
, I have learnt intellectually to be
respective
Replace the word
respectful
show examples
 and
experinced
Correct your spelling
experienced
experience
 being
self-confidence
Replace the word
self-confident
show examples
 as I grow up over the years.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, schools or
collages
Correct your spelling
colleges
show examples
 can differently teach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 a viewpoint
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. Not only
tutors
Add a missing verb
do tutors
show examples
 display good points for education but
also
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 present how it is dealt with
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 obstacle
as well as
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 some challenges.
Furthermore
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, some
recently
Change the adverb
recent
show examples
 studies depict that accreditation and classroom management
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 crucial for new learners and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 effects
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 thinking and behaving.
For instance
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, in Turkey, trainers previously
introduce
Wrong verb form
introduced
show examples
 the helpness and loving
eachother
Correct your spelling
each other
.
Therefore
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,
children
Use synonyms
 are prone to help other kids
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 bad
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
. Eventually, when juveniles face the problem, others know the
stragety
Correct your spelling
strategy
 and approach, which has a convenient way. In conclusion, it is believed that both parents and colleges
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a vital degree on behalf of
children
Use synonyms
 to promote to
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
.
However
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, I strongly come up with that
children
Use synonyms
 who
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to school absorb
many
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
fertile information and
being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 good
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Clarify your main arguments and structure your ideas more logically. Make sure each paragraph focuses on one main idea and flows well into the next.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your examples clearly illustrate your points and are presented in a more coherent manner. This will strengthen your argumentation.
Language Use
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and vocabulary usage. Some phrases and sentence structures could be improved for clarity and correctness.
Content and Ideas
You’ve identified both perspectives on the issue and made an effort to present a balanced discussion.
Engagement
The use of personal experience provides a relatable dimension to your argument, making it more engaging.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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